Sadistic-narcissistic parents need to feel superior to others and maintain power and control over them.
In order to achieve this end, s/he is willing to inflict pain upon others, most frequently emotional and psychological pain, but sometimes physical pain too.
Sadistic-narcissistic parents will frequently be prepared to inflict such pain on his/her own children in order to maintain power and control over them. This sometimes involves scapegoating one child (usually the most sensitive and vulnerable) whilst largely sparing the more favoured/psychologically tougher child. This more favoured child may sometimes join with the sadistic-narcissistic parent in scapegoating the more vulnerable child.
Indeed, it was my own misfortune to experience such a malignant and poisonous alliance between my own mother and older brother, which I have referred to elsewhere so will not repeat here (to read my article on how the child can become the family scapegoat, click here).
The infliction of psychological and emotional pain upon the child by the sadistic-narcissistic parent may include:
– humiliating him/her (eg cruel and derogatory name-calling, palpably motivated by spite)
– threats of abandonment and total rejection
– ignoring him/her in a vindictive manner for protracted periods of time in order to intensify the child’s feelings of insecurity and of being unwanted
– saying to the child ‘I wish you’d never been born’
Dealing With Narcisstic Behaviour hypnotherapy MP3: click here for more details
At the risk of sounding self-indulgent, all of the above were frequent occurrences in my own childhood, it feels me with pain to report.
The sadistic-narcissistic parent is able to behave in this extraordinary and shocking manner as s/he feels no empathy with his/her children and is sadly devoid of, or severely deficient in, feelings of normal parental protectiveness, love and affection.
Furthermore, after behaving towards his/her children in such a way, the sadistic-narcissistic parent will feel little or no genuine remorse, but, instead, justify and rationalise his/her behaviour by telling him/ herself, as well as others, that the child ‘deserved’ it and ‘brought it upon themselves’. And, whilst it may sound like parody, s/he may actually blame the child for ‘making [him/her] behave that way.’
The psychologist, Vaknin, an expert in this field, has put forward the theory that the sadistic-narcissistic parent behaves in this way to gain ‘narcisstic supply’ ( the word ‘supply’ here refers to the feeding of the sadistic-narcissistic parent’s ferocious and insatiable hunger for power and control) or to punish those who have previously provided him/her with such narcisstic supply but have stopped being sufficiently ( in the view of the sadistic-narcissistic parent) compliant, respectful, obedient and admiring of him/her.
David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).
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