Questionable reasons mothers and / or fathers may have for having a baby :
– by accident
– for financial gain (in the form of benefits) or to avoid having to work
– to gain access to social / council housing
– to trap the father into a long-term relationship / marriage or to use as a ‘weapon’ or ‘pawn.’
– as a desperate bid to ‘save’ a relationship / marriage (for example, in my own case my mother was persuaded by her psychiatrist to have me to increase her chances of keeping her marriage with my father together)
– primarily for what they can ‘get out of the baby’ e.g. unconditional love and attention to compensate for what they did not receive in their own childhoods
– to have someone who will care for them in later life
– to have someone who will provide them with an identity e.g. to ‘prove ‘ manhood and ‘virility’ in the case of the father
– to have someone through whom they can live their lives vicariously in order to compensate for their own lack of success, achievement and fulfillment (e.g. by trying to turn their child into a sports star, movie star or otherwise famous person).
– to have someone who will make them feel powerful and respected.
When The Child Does Not Fulfill The Parents’ Expectations :
When the child inevitably ‘fails’ to live up to the parents’ unrealistic expectations, and their fantasies of an idealized family do not materialize, there is a danger that they will start to resent their child and view him/her as an unwanted household guest, annoyance and a source irritation, as well as a strain upon both financial and temporal resources. Some parents may even hate and despise their child and do their best to avoid interacting with him/her by spending long hours in the office, gardening, socializing, on hobbies which do not include the child etc.
The Unwanted Child Will Sense He Is Not Wanted, Even If The Parental Rejection Is Not Direct Or Overt :
A child will almost certainly sense whether or not s/he is truly loved and wanted by his/her parents. If the parents perpetually do not want the child around, or to interact with him/her in any meaningful way, s/he (i.e. the child) is highly likely will to pick up on this devastating, often tacitly and unconsciously conveyed, information ; even being occasionally told by such parents that s/he is loved is likely to ring hollow and lead to feelings of confusion and distrust.
David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).