Tag Archives: Compassion Focused Therapy

Shame And Its Agonizing Effects

As we have seen from other articles I have published on this site, those who suffer severe trauma in early life may go on to experience irrational, deep-seated feelings of shame in adulthood, particularly if they have developed conditions highly likely to be linked to their adverse childhood experiences such as clinical depression or borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Feelings of shame can be excruciatingly painful; at their worst, they can cause us to completely isolate ourselves so that we avoid contact with others to the extent that we may become virtual recluses, perhaps only daring to venture out of our house or flat when absolutely necessary. Indeed, the word ‘shame‘ derives from the Indian word ‘sham‘ which means ‘to hide.’

What Is Shame?

When we feel ashamed we feel very negatively about ourselves and believe we are, to put it simply, a deeply bad person. We also tend to assume that others are judging us in a similarly disparaging manner. The sensation of shame also frequently involves feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, incompetence, self-disgust, self-hatred, anxiety, anger, bodily tension, nausea and sweating/feeling too hot.

Effects On Relationships :

Because of our own jaundiced and self-lacerating view of ourselves, we assume others will feel the same way about us (or soon will do once they discover’ what a ‘horrible and disgusting’ person we are). We therefore avoid trying to form close relationships, believing such efforts to be futile given that we will ‘inevitably be rejected’ once the ‘real’ us is ‘discovered.’

Other Possible Effects Of Shame :

We may also try to psychologically defend ourselves from deep rooted feelings of shame. For example :

– we may become preoccupied with managing a superficial image of ourselves when interacting with others which we desperately hope will keep ‘our true badness‘ concealed; this can lead to the creation of a ‘false self’ which precludes any chance of authentic or meaningful interaction with others (in other words, we ‘become afraid to be who we are’).

   – perfectionism / ‘workaholism’ (in a desperate attempt to compensate for the profound inner feelings of inadequacy and inferiority that may accompany a pervasive sense of shame).’Workaholism’ and perfectionism are both extremely precarious ways of maintaining some semblance of self-respect and self-esteem as we tend to continually set ourselves targets which, inevitably, we sometimes fail to achieve. We are then highly vulnerable to suffering a catastrophic collapse in our sense of self-worth as it has not been built upon strong enough, nor sustainable, foundations.

Image result for shame

Differentiating Between Three Types Of Shame :

We can differentiate between three specific types of shame. These are :




I define these three types of shame below :

Internal Shame : this is a sense of shame we feel about ourselves

External Shame : this is when we perceive that others have a very low view of us which makes us feel ashamed

Reflected Shame : this is when we feel shame vicariously due to how someone else connected yo us has behaved, such as a family member or a member of a group with which we identify.

Often, a sense of internal shame and external shame co-exist within the same person. However, in the case of shame related to childhood trauma, we may (irrationally) feel a strong sense of internal shame even though we can accept that others are not negatively evaluating us as a result of what happened to us (i.e. there is an absence of external shame).


There is evidence to suggest that COMPASSION FOCUSED THERAPY may be of particular benefit to those suffering from distress connected to the experience of shame.


David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE)



Childhood Trauma and ‘Body Memories’.

body memory

What Are Body Memories?

When we experience severe trauma our bodies respond accordingly.

For example, the body’s production of ADRENALIN significantly increases, as does its production of CORTISOL (both of these are STRESS HORMONES).

In turn, this leads to bodily responses and sensations which include:

– increased heart rate

– increased sweating

– hyper-ventilation (rapid and shallow breathing leading to feelings of panic which can be severe and distressing).

The MEMORY OF THIS BODILY RESPONSE is stored in a particular structure of the brain which is known as the AMYGDALA. The phenomenon is known as ‘BODY MEMORY’.

Unfortunately, however, this means that when we have an experience which reminds us of the original trauma that produced these bodily effects, the amygdala RESPONDS AS IF THE ORIGINAL TRAUMA were happening again in the present, and, therefore, REPRODUCES the same unpleasant bodily sensations which occurred at the time of the original trauma.

These unpleasant, reexperienced bodily sensations may be accompanied by:

– flashbacks

– intrusive memories (click here to read my article on intrusive memories)

– nightmares (click here to read my article on nightmares and their treatment)

The reexperiencing of such bodily sensations happens because our brain has essentially, as a result of childhood trauma, been CONDITIONED to respond to any perception of threat (whether real or imagined) in this way as the threat triggers memories of the threat we experienced as children.

Indeed, many who suffer extreme childhood trauma develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) – click here to read my article on this – as a result during adulthood and such individuals often respond to events which remind them of the original trauma BUT ARE NOT OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING THREATENING as if they were objectively threatening.

body memory amygdala


This occurs because, whilst, under normal circumstances, two specific brain regions – the HIPPOCAMUS and the FRONTAL CORTEX – would ‘realize’, so to speak, that the threat was not real, and, in so doing, reduce excitation of the amygdala (see above) thus quickly calming us down, if we have been so traumatized in childhood that we have developed PTSD, the ability of the hippocampus and frontal cortex will have ibeen mpaired to such an extent that this calming process FAILS TO OCCUR.

Thus, we are left to reexperience how the original trauma made us feel due to the REACTIVTION of our ‘BODY MEMORIES’.

In essence, our brain has ‘tricked’ us into believing we are reliving the original trauma.


a) they are fragmented and disorganized

b) the recollections are involuntary/invasive/unbidden

c) the memories lack temporal context (i.e. they do not feel located in time/it feels like the recalled events are happening ‘right now’

d) our reaction to the memories remains unchanged – we react to them, on an emotional level, in the same manner that we originally reacted so, if the traumatic events happened when we were a child, we will REGRESS to that child like, fearful state.


COMPASSION FOCUSED THERAPY can help to reactivate our INTERNAL SELF-CALMING SYSTEM and help us to develop our ability to reassure ourselves, reduce our own distress and minimize any self-blame we may feel (it is extremely common for those who have suffered severe childhood trauma irrationally to blame themselves for their suffering without the intervention of effective therapy).

It is particularly important for us belatedly to learn such techniques if our parent/s failed to nurture us in a compassionate manner when we were growing up as this would have deprived us of the opportunity to learn and develop such skills which, in turn, leaves us exceptionally vulnerable to the negative effects of stress in adulthood.

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

Compassion Focused Therapy for Effects of Childhood Trauma


Therapy which emphasizes self-compassion (as well as compassion for others), not inappropriately called COMPASSIOIN FOCUSED THERAPY (CFT), has become increasingly utilized for the treatment of the effects of childhood trauma over the last decade or so. It is based on 3 main components :

– being mindful of one’s own suffering

– being kind to oneself (with positive internal ‘self-talk’, for example) and non-self-critical

– being open about own suffering and communicating it without feelings of shame or weakness

CFT is a particularly useful and effective therapy for those of us who tend to be ashamed of our internal emotional state, prone to severe self-criticism and come from an abusive and neglectful background (ie suffered such an environment during our childhood).

CFT motivates and helps individuals to develop a compassionate self-view as well as a compassionate view of others. Research suggests that many of us who suffered disturbed childhoods are fearful of giving compassion to ourselves or receiving it from others.

Neuroscience (the scientific study of the brain) has shown that giving oneself compassion or being self-critical (ie where the compassion or criticism is INTERNALLY GENERATED) has very similar biochemical effects upon the brain as would be generated by EXTERNAL STIMULI (ie others showing us compassion or criticizing us). For more about this very interesting area of research it is well worth reading the study on EMPATHY AND MIRROR NEURONS by Decety and Jackson (2004).

Because CFT is based on similar theory to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) it focuses on reasoning, rumination, behaviors, emotions and motives in a similar way to how CBT does.



– A study carried out by Lutz et al (2008) demonstrated that showing compassion towards others led to beneficial changes in the PREFRONTAL CORTEX (a specific brain region) and a much increased sense of personal well-being.

-A study by Fredrickson et al (2008) demonstrated that 6, one hour COMPASSION FOCUSED MEDITATION sessions per week increased POSITIVE EMOTIONS, MINDFULNESS and FEELINGS OF PURPOSE.

– A study by Gilbert and Proctor (2006) focused on individuals with long-term mental health problems and found that COMPASSION TRAINING significantly reduced their feelings of shame, depression and anxiety; it also greatly reduced their previously pronounced tendency towards self-criticism.



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David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).