Core Unmet Needs
According to Timulak et al., 2012, three core unmet needs underlie such emotional suffering; these are :
- unmet needs for safety and security
- unmet needs for love and meaningful connection to others
- unmet needs for acceptance, validation and recognition by others
Sadly, such unmet needs frequently stem from growing up in a dysfunctional family. (To read my previously published article : Dysfunctional Families : Types And Effects, click here).
Core Feelings Associated With Core Unmet Needs :
Timulak elaborates on the above by stating that these three core unmet needs are associated with corresponding core feelings as shown below :
- unmet needs for safety and security are associated with feelings of fear and insecurity
- unmet needs for love and meaningful connection to others are associated with feelings of sadness and loneliness
- unmet needs for acceptance, validation and recognition by others are associated with feelings of shame and worthlessness
Secondary Distress And Obscured Core Unmet Needs And Feelings :
Timulak also alerts us to the fact that when individuals suffering from emotional pain present themselves to therapists, their core unmet needs and corresponding core feelings may be obscured and concealed because these are overlayed by surface, ‘secondary distress’ (i.e. distressing, surface feelings that have their roots in the underlying core unmet needs and associated core feelings).
Examples of such ‘secondary distress’ / ‘surface feelings’, Timulak states, include :
- feelings of helplessness
- feelings of hopelessness
- feelings of depression
- feelings of anger
- feelings of anxiety
- somatisation (e.g. insomnia, physical tension, exhaustion, teeth grinding, stomach pains, chest pains, loss of appetite, headaches, dizziness etc.)
It is important for patients and therapists to consider the possible core issues that may lie beneath adverse surface feelings (secondary distress). Often, these core issues will have their roots in childhood trauma.
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David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).