Vast Majority Of Parental Maltreatment Of Children Unacknowledged

majority of child maltreatment unreported and unacknowledged

Except in very extreme cases, such as severe physical abuse, the vast majority of parental mistreatment of children not only goes unreported, but is unacknowledged and, essentially, ignored (although this situation is gradually improving as people become more educated about the potentially devastating effects of bad parenting).

Emotional Abuse :

In particular, emotional abuse can be very subtle yet profoundly insidious and damaging (more so, even, than physical or sexual abuse) and very frequently goes ‘under the radar’. However, the UK government have recently started to take steps to rectify this travesty (in connection with this, you may wish to read my previously published article entitled : EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND THE LAW),

Examples Of Unacknowledged/Ignored Parental Maltreatment Of Children :

The above list, of course, is not exhaustive.

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Being Constantly Humiliated By Parents May Damage Brain’s Corpus Callosum

damage to corpus callosum

What Is The Corpus Callosum?

The brain is divided into two halves called the RIGHT HEMISPHERE and the LEFT HEMISPHERE. These two halves are connected by a structure called the CORPUS CALLOSUM. (It is located above the thalamus, underneath the cortex, see image below)
corpus callosum
Above : Thr location of the corpus callosum (marked in orange). Of all the brain’s white matter structures, it is the largest.

What Is The Function Of The Corpus Callosum?

The function of the corpus callosum is to allow communication to take place between the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere ; it facilitates this communication by transmitting neural messages between these two parts of the brain.

What Does The Corpus Callosum Communicate Between The Brain’s Right And Left Hemisphere?

The corpus callosum is responsible for the communication between the two hemispheres of emotion, arousal, sensory information, information relating to motor functions and higher cognitive abilities (including working memory, imagery and consciously controlled – or willed’ – action, amongst others).

The Effect Of Parental Maltreatment On The Corpus Callosum :

A study conducted by McCrory et al., 2001, found that children who were significantly maltreated by their parent (or parents) over a protracted period of time had corpus collosa that were, on average, significantly  smaller than those found in children who had been fortunate enough to have experienced relatively stable and happy childhoods.

 In more specific terms, their (i.e. the maltreated children’s corpus callosa had less thickness of the white fibre area.

Children Who Are Constantly Humiliated By Their Parents May Be At Particular Risk Of Incurring Impaired Development Of Their Corpus Callosa :

Subtle, emotional abuse by parents, due, not least, to its particularly insidious nature,  can be just as damaging, or even more damaging, than more blatant forms of abuse.

Indeed, studies suggest that children of parents who frequently mock and humiliate them are especially likely to sustain damage to the development of their corpus callosa. (To read my previously published article : Humor : How Parents May Use It To Emotionally Wound Their Children, click here.)

The effect of this is to impair communication between the brain’s left and right hemispheres and it is theorized that this may explain why such  children are frequently found to lack confidence in their linguistic skills and/or  to develop difficulties controlling their emotions.

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Divorce : Signs Children Are Being Used As Pawns Or Weapons

Signs child used as pawns or weapon

Introduction :

I have already published on this site articles which examine the potentially very psychologically damaging effects that divorce, particularly a  divorce that is acrimonious, can inflict upon the child. My own parents divorced when I was eight years old, so I do have some personal experience in relation to this subject.

When parents who separate feel extremely bitter, hostile, or, even, vengeful towards one another, it is a sad fact that some use their own children as pawns, or weapons, in an attempt to hurt and punish one another (or, of course, just one parent may act in this way). When this occurs, the distress the child feels as a result of his/her parents’ divorce is likely to be compounded and potentially induce in him/her a state of profound mental conflict and confusion as a result of split loyalties that are impossible to resolve.

It is important to ask, then, what are the signs that a child is being used as a pawn / weapon in such a manner? I list some of these below:

Signs The Child Is Being Used As A Pawn / Weapon :

  • preventing the child from seeing / speaking to / contacting the other parent
  • deceiving the child into believing that the other parent is to blame for the collapse of the marriage
  • exploiting the child by making him / her a ‘go-between’ / messenger to relay messages, particularly hostile, critical and disparaging messages, to the other parent
  • pressurising the child into taking sides
  • asking the child whom (i.e. which parent) they love more
  • questioning the child about the other parent’s behavior / using the child as a kind of ‘spy’ to gain ‘ incriminating’ information about the other parent
  • cancelling visitation at short notice to punish the other parent
  • causing, on purpose, the child to be late for visitation to punish the other parent
  • undermining the other parent’s reasonable rules, decisions and discipline merely to antagonize and frustrate the  him/her (i.e. the other parent)
  • openly displaying aggression and hostility towards the other parent in front of the child

children used as pawns in divorce

Using The Child As An Emotional Crutch :

When my parents got divorced, my mother started to use me as a sort of personal counsellor ; she even, shamelessly, referred to me as her ‘own Little Psychiatrist’ ; it was always her life we discussed, never, or extremely rarely and briefly, mine. For this reason, and many others which I have written about elsewhere on this site, I feel I was largely robbed of my childhood ; this has had terrible repercussions on my adult life (which I have also written about elsewhere on this site).

Indeed, it is not uncommon for parents, in the wake of a stressful divorce, to treat their child as a confidante, a friend, a spouse or even a parent (click here to read my article about the phenomenon of parentification and its potentially extremely psychologically damaging effects) and use him/her for emotional support that s/he is not developmentally mature enough to cope with and at a time when s/he (the child) is him/herself in particular need of emotional support. This is particularly the case if such confiding in the child involves spitefully ‘turning the child against’ the other parent.

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Why A ‘Love-Hate’ Relationship Develops Between The Abusive Parent And The Child

why a love-hate relationship develops between the parent and the abused child

If we were significantly maltreated by our parent/s when we were children we may well, as a psychological defense against the intolerable dilemma this put us in, have unconsciously developed a ‘love-hate’ relationship with them.

In such cases, feelings of love and hate for the parent are compartmentalized / separated because the state of mind required to both love and hate the parent simultaneously is an impossible, contradictory and paradoxical concept that the child does not have the emotional resources to materialize.

Therefore, in order to allow an emotional attachment with the parent develop that will allow his/her (i.e. the child’s) psychological survival, the child has no choice but to hold the feelings of love and hate for the parent in ‘separate mental compartments’). This leads the child to perceiving his parents in terms of black and white’ rather than in ‘shades of grey’. Indeed, this was a psychological defense I unconsciously developed as a result of my own childhood experiences, vacillating between idealizing my parents and demonizing them. It is only now that I understand more completely why this occurred that I am able, I hope, to hold a rather more balanced view (although, admittedly, I still don’t always succeed in this ; however, the psychological warfare, borne of profound, emotional conflict, that rages on is, these days, restricted to the confines of my still grievously injured, but recovering, mind).

love-hate relationship between parent and child

Anger Turned Inwards :

Often, the anger and hatred that the child feels towards the parent may, as another psychological defense, be turned INWARDS, leading to the child experiencing self-hatred and self-loathing ; this defense mechanism occurs when the child perceives (on a conscious or unconscious level) that feelings and expressions of anger and hatred towards the parent would lead to the him/her (i.e. the child) being put in danger (e.g. liable to incur severe psychological and/or physical damage). And, as Freud pointed out, anger turned inwards may lead to serious depression (as well as numerous other undesirable psychological conditions).

Goal Of Therapy :

According to this theory, in order to help the individual overcome his/her love-hate conflict, it is necessary for the therapist to help him/her to integrate the two ‘separate compartments’ of his/her mind (i.e. the ‘compartment’ that holds feelings of love for the parent needs to be integrated with the ‘compartment’ that holds feelings of hatred for, and resentment of, the parent) so that s/he may start to see his/her parent, more realistically, in ‘shades of grey’ rather than in terms of either ‘black’ or ‘white'(See above). Individuals, too, are likely to require help with understanding how and why their negative feelings towards the parent have arisen and why such feelings may have been hitherto largely repressed / dissociated.

This is usually a long process and often does not occur until near the end of the course of therapy.

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What Is Reactive Attachment Disorder?

what is reactive attachment disorder?

REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER :

 

REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER may occur when a child is severely neglected where the neglect involves being deprived of close, consistent, stable care and nurturing from those who would normally provide it (i.e. a parent or primary caregiver). For example, a child who is raised in an orphanage in which the child has no sole, main carer, but, instead, a variety of overworked carers who work in shifts would be at increased risk of developing the disorder.

There are two types of REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER ; these are :

  1. INHIBITED REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER
  2. DISINHIBITED REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER

Let’s look at each of these in turn :

 

THE TWO TYPES OF REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER : INHIBITED AND DISINHIBITED :

INHIBITED REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER :

A child suffering from inhibited reactive attachment disorder may commonly suffer a range of symptoms which include :

  • a preference for solitary play / no interest in games that involve interaction with others
  • avoidance of / detachment from others (including an avoidance of any physical contact with others)
  • avoidance of eye contact
  • appears sad and lethargic
  • lack of any positive response to attempts by others to give comfort / does not seek comfort from others
  • does not smile
  • failure to reach out when picked up

DISINHIBITED REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER :

A child suffering from disinhibited reactive attachment disorder may commonly suffer a range of symptoms which include

  • high anxiety level
  • unusually eager to interact with strangers /rarely socially distinguishes between caregiver and unfamiliar adults
  • exaggerating a need for help with basic daily tasks
  • behaving much younger than chronological age / taking part in activities appropriate to much younger children

 

MORE ABOUT THE CAUSES OF REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER :

I have already touched on the causes of reactive attachment disorder in the opening paragraph of this article. However, to elaborate further, a baby / young child does not only require his/her physical needs to be met (such as being fed or having his/her nappy changed) but also requires SIMULTANEOUS WARM EMOTIONAL INTERACTION WITH THE CAREGIVER WHO IS PERFORMING THESE PHYSICAL TASKS. 

Such warm, emotional interaction is less likely to occur in underfunded and under-resourced orphanages (as already mentioned above). Also, however, young children who are forced to undergo frequent changes in foster homes, or who live with severely mentally ill parents, or with parents with serious substance misuse problems, are also at higher risk of extreme emotional neglect and, consequently, at increased risk of developing reactive attachment disorder.

 

reactive attachment disorder

 

WHO SUFFERS FROM REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER ?

Research into reactive attachment disorder has focused on babies / young children between the ages of 0 and 5 years of age. It is not certain if the disorder exists in children over the age of 5 years ; more research needs to be conducted in order to establish whether or not it does.

However, some preliminary research suggests that older children and adolescents may express symptoms of reactive attachment disorder through :

  • callousness
  • lack of emotional responsiveness
  • cruelty towards animals
  • cruelty towards people
  • general problems relating to their behavior

CAN REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER BE SUCCESSFULLY TREATED?

Although there is currently no one, specific, specialized treatment or therapy for reactive attachment disorder, the evidence is that, with the right kind of intervention, children suffering from the disorder can learn to form healthy relationships with others.

As with all psychological problems, the earlier the therapeutic intervention is made, the higher its probability of success.

Therapies likely to be helpful include :

  • individual counselling
  • classes in parenting skills
  • family counselling
  • education of caregivers about the disorder
  • education of parents about the disorder

 

NOTE : The DSM IV refers to the inhibited and disinhibited forms of the disorder as :  emotionally withdrawn and indiscriminately social/disinhibited subtypes  , whilst the DSM 5 refers to them as two separate disorders, namely, reactive attachment disorder and disinhibited social engagement disorder. SEE TABLE BELOW :

 

reactive attachment disorder

 

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

 

 

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Dysfunctional Ways Parents May Seek To Over-Control Children

over controlling parents

I outline some of the most common ways in which parents may attempt to exert excessive control over their children below :

Emotional Enmeshment :

This occurs when a parent is intensely and overwhelmingly emotionally involved with his/her child so that, rather than seeing the child as an individual with his/her own thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes, views him/her as an extension of him/herself.

The parent who emotionally enmeshes the child may be over-dependent on him/her :

  • in relation to seeking advice that the child is not mature enough to give (e.g. a parent asking a ten year old for advice on romantic relationships),
  • for companionship,
  • for psychological counselling.

Such parents may also interfere inappropriately in the child’s life and fail to respect his/her boundaries.

Divorced / single parents may even expect their child to serve as a kind of ‘spouse substitute’ (most frequently in emotional terms).

You can read mt article on EMOTIONAL INCEST, which is closely related to the above, by clicking here.

Parentification :

Emotionally immature parents may expect their child to act as a kind of substitute parent – you can read my article about how parents may ‘parentify’ their child by clicking here.

 

Perfectionism :

Perfectionist parents may constantly insist upon laying down myriad petty, unnecessary and, perhaps, seemingly arbitrary rules and regulations (for example, my father used to be obsessed with making sure I held my cutlery in precisely the right way – apparently I would ‘mistakenly’ hold my knife ‘like a pen’ which would cause my father an absurdly disproportionate level of unnecessary angst more appropriate to me holding a live grenade in a way that would allow it imminently to detonate.

Living in such a household can put the child into a constant state of tension, or, even, hypervigilence, leading him/her constantly to anticipate the next shaming and disheartening criticism.

Perfectionist parents may also psychologically damage their children by expecting them to achieve in sports, academia, music etc in ways that are unreasonable and unrealistic. In relation to this, they may only offer their children love and approval when they excel, withholding such love and approval the rest of the time.

These types of parents may, too, strongly disapprove of their children expressing particular emotions such as anger or sadness, perhaps to the extent that they even ridicule their children for doing so.

Micromanagement :

The parent who micromanages their child may be unnecessarily and inappropriately involved in what a child eats or how a child dresses. Such parents may also interfere in superfluous and counter-productive ways with the child’s school life (e.g. visiting the school to complain to teachers about the child’s grades or about the child not making a particular school sport’s team). Or they may not respect their child’s privacy (e.g. constantly checking their child’s room for no good reason, looking through their diary or unnecessarily texting their child whilst s/he is at school to ‘check up’ on him/her in a way the child finds oppressive).

Such parenting is also sometimes referred to as ‘helicopter parenting’, a term originally coined by Dr. Haim Ginott in the late 1960s.

Coercive Control :

The term ‘coercive control’ was first coined by the Duluth Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP) but the concept can also be applicable to the parent-child relationship. The DAIP propose that coercive control can take many forms which include :

  • intimidation (including threatening body language and facial expressions)
  • humiliation
  • isolation
  • minimizing the level of abuse
  • denying any abuse has taken place
  • blaming the victim for the perpetrator’s abuse
  • homophobia
  • coercion and threats

Parents Who Use Their Child For ‘Narcissistic Supply’ :

The concept of narcissistic supply stems from psychoanalytic theory. A parent in need of narcissistic supply may emotionally exploit his/her children by overly depending upon them to express their admiration of the him/her (the parent), to emotionally support him/her and to bolster his/her self-esteem. To read my article about narcissistic parents, click here.

 

RESOURCE :

ASSERT YOURSELF HYPNOSIS PACK. CLICK HERE 

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Why Some Parents Can’t Love Their Children

parent unable to love

It is generally assumed that parents (in particular, mothers) have an innate, instinctive, natural and inborn capacity to love their children unconditionally. However, sadly, this is not the case. In this article, I will look at some of the most common factors that may inhibit a parent’s inclination to love his/her children :

 

Factors  That  May  Inhibit Parents’ Inclination To Love Their Children :

  • Parents may resent the responsibility / burden placed on them by having children
  • A parent may resent character traits in their child that , consciously or unconsciously, remind them of aspects of their own personalities that they dislike or aspects of their partner’s / ex-partner’s (i.e. the child’s other biological parent) personality that they dislike
  • Parents may resent being made to feel inadequate by children ; for example, narcissistic parents may find the child’s challenges to his/her (i.e. the parent’s) impossible demands intolerable, especially if the child becomes, due to quite natural, normal and necessary survival mechanisms, rebellious in response to such impossible demands when s/he reaches puberty.
  • The parent may feel bitterly jealous of the child’s youth (e.g. a narcissistic mother may resent being reminded of her fading looks by her daughter’s youthful appearance)
  • A parent may have low self-esteem and a child’s success, or future prospects of success, may serve to make the parent feel inadequate or that s/he has, by comparison, wasted his/her life
  • Postpartum depression : biological changes that a woman undergoes when pregnant can lead to chemical changes in the brain that result in depression and impair  her ability to bond with her new born baby in the usual way.
  • A parent may have been emotionally neglected or abused during his/her own childhood, restricting his/her ability to express and feel love
  • A parent (most frequently, but not exclusively, the mother) may resent his/her child whom s/he perceives as having ‘got in the way’ of his/her career.
  • A parent may resent his/her child if that child does not share, or actively rebels against, his/her (i.e. the parent’s) strongly held beliefs (e.g. religious beliefs, especially in relation to sexuality)
  • Projection: parents who have a poor self-image, low self-esteem and, essentially, don’t like themselves, may off-load their negative feelings about themselves by projecting them onto their children (e.g. a parent who has latent homosexual inclinations and dislikes himself for it may project these feeling onto his son by using deprecating language in relation to his son’s (real or imagined) homosexuality, or, even, by disowning him (and thereby, on a symbolic level, disowning his own repressed, sexual feelings).

The Importance Of Showing Love :

Some parents may believe they love their children but the way in which they act towards these children does not reflect this ; in other words, despite the parents’ beliefs, their children do not perceive themselves as being loved – such parents may not be properly attuned to their children’s emotional needs ; this, too, can be very psychologically damaging to the child. Indeed, children who are not loved or perceive themselves not to be loved, especially in very early life (but at other stages, too) can incur damage to the physical development of their brains which, in turn, can lead to serious psychiatric problems.

You can go to the section of this site that contains articles on childhood trauma and brain development by clicking here.

 

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The Manipulative Parent

the manipulative parent

The Manipulative Parent :

There are many ways in which the manipulative parent may manipulate their offspring, including:

emotional blackmail

– threats (explicit or implicit)

– deceit

– control through money/material goods

– positive reinforcement of a behavior which is damaging to the child

– coercion

Because parental manipulation, by the mother, father or both, can take on very subtle guises, when we were young we may not have been aware that we were being manipulated; we may only come to realize it, in retrospect, with the extra knowledge we have gained as adults.

POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF THE MANIPULATIVE PARENT:

If we have been significantly manipulated, it can give rise to various negative feelings such as :

self-doubt

– resentment/anger

shame/guilt

– a deep and painful sense of having been betrayed

EXAMPLES OF PARENTAL MANIPULATION :

– causing the child to believe that s/he will only be loved by complying with the parent’s wishes at all times; in other words, there is an ABSENCE of unconditional love.

– causing the child to feel excessive guilt for failing to live up to the parent’s expectations/demands

– with-holding love as a form of punishment to cause emotional distress

– direct or implied threats of physical punishment

– physical punishment

– making the child feel s/he is ‘intrinsically bad’ for not always bending to the parent’s will

– spoiling the child and then accusing him/her of ingratitude

– making the child believe s/he is ‘uncaring’ for not fully meeting the parent’s needs

manipulative parents

 

WHY DO SOME PARENTS BEHAVE MANIPULATIVELY?

The reasons a parent manipulates his/her offspring are often subtle and complex. However, explanations may include

– the parent is narcissistic

– the parent has a grandiose self-view (often linked to above)

– the parent has low self-esteem/feelings of inadequacy and so abuses the power they do have as a form of overcompensation for own shortcomings

– failure of the parent to view the child as a separate, distinct and unique individual, but, rather, to view him/her as an ‘extension of themselves’ so that the child feels responsible for the parent and becomes ‘enmeshed’ in the relationship.

DEALING WITH A MANIPULATIVE MOTHER OR FATHER :

The effects of having been significantly manipulated by a parent in early life can have serious negative consequences in terms of our emotional development ; these consequences may be very long -lasting.

As adults, if we are still in contact with the parent, it is likely that the relationship remains problematic. We may have pointed out their propensity to manipulate, but to no avail – indeed, perhaps only making things worse.

So, what is the best way to cope with the manipulative relationship?

Essentially, we are less likely to be manipulated if we :

– develop good self-esteem (click here)

– develop a strong self-concept/sense of identity (click here)

– developing strong assertiveness skills (click here)

– being confident enough to refuse to do what we don’t want to do (click here)

– being confident enough to ask for what we do want (click here)

– have the confidence to act according to our own values and convictions (click here)


Resources 

  • Dealing With Narcissistic Behavior : Click HERE for further details.
  • Escape Emotional Abuse : Click HERE for further details.

 

 


David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE)

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Why Psychological Abuse By Parents Can Cause Greater Psychopathology In Children Than Extreme Poverty Or War

Psychological abuse by parents

Silvano Arieti, in his classic book Interpretations Of Schizophrenia, emphasized the view that it is childhood adverse experiences, such as psychological and emotional abuse by the parents that cause anxiety which hurts the ‘inner self’ are the ones which are most likely to lead to severe mental illness in the individual whereas traumatic experiences that many might consider worse, such as war or severe poverty, may well NOT lead the child to develop severe mental illness if they do not lead to the aforementioned damage to the ‘inner self’.

What Is Meant By The ‘Inner Self’?

This can be defined as one’s personal sense of identity, self-concept and integrated personality.

We Are Most Vulnerable To Psychological Harm From Those With Whom We Have A Strong Emotional Bond:

Arieti stresses that children are at most risk of being psychologically damaged by being maltreated by those with whom they have a strong emotional bond (most commonly, of course, their parents). He also believed that a major cause of schizophrenia was a childhood during which the individual’s sense of self was seriously undermined by one, or both, parents. The Scottish psychiatrist, R.D. Laing, who wrote the famous book entitled The Divided Self, thought along similar lines, stressing the importance of the family environment as a cause of schizophrenia.

In essence, when we are betrayed, or significantly mistreated over a protracted period of time, by the very people who are supposed to love us, care for us and protect us, we are thrown into a state of extreme psychological torment, confusion and conflict, the effect of which is uniquely pervasive and perfidious; as a result, our sense of inner self may be shattered and our personality may disintegrate.

Psychological abuse by parents

Above : R.D. Laing, author of The Divided Self

This idea is encapsulated by the trauma model of mental disorders which contends that early life psychological trauma is a very major cause of several different adult psychiatric disorders.

Proponents of this view include Sigmund Freud (as illustrated by his psychoanalytic theories) and John Bowlby (as illustrated by his attachment theory).

 

Resources:

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Effects Of Parents’ Own Unresolved Trauma On Their Children

unresolved trauma

 

 

Alice Miller (1923 – 2010), the world renowned psychologist and psychoanalyst, theorized that many victims of childhood trauma are unconsciously driven to deny and repress the psychological damage done to them by their parent/s as if the knowledge were to fully permeate their consciousness it would result in overwhelming and unbearable emotional pain (to read my related article : Why Children Idealize Their Parents, click here).

And, according to Miller, when such individuals become adults, the negative feelings associated with the unresolved trauma are :

1. Directed outwards at others (e.g. violent crime or war – to read my related post about Hitler’s Childhood, click here). This is also known as externalization or displacement.

or

2. Directed inwards against the self (e.g. self-harm, depression, addictions). This is also known as internalization.

or

3. Directed at their own children (by repeating the abusive parenting that they themselves originally experienced).

 

In this article, it is the third response above (when negative feelings associated with unresolved trauma are directed at the individuals own children) that I wish to expand a little upon :

Alice Miller’s view on how abusive behaviour can be passed on from one generation to the next can be elucidated by the following quote :

‘Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill – the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both.’

Alice Miller

unresolved trauma

 

Photo Above : Alice Miller

In the same book from which the above quote is taken, For Your Own Good (the title is ironic, obviously), Miller proposes that even when parents genuinely believe they are acting for the child’s ‘own good’, beneath the surface of consciousness lurk darker motives; she provides seven examples of these motives which I summarize below:

1) To displace the feelings of humiliation they (the parents) experienced as a result of their own parents’ behaviour onto their own children (to reiterate – this need not be conscious and frequently occurs on an unconscious level, according to Miller).

2) A drive to vent repressed emotions.

3) A drive to possess/manipulate the child (to read my related article about manipulative parents, click here).

4) An idealization of their own parents’ behaviour (the underlying thinking be along the lines of: ‘it [their parents’ way of bringing them up] never did me any harm…’ (to read my related article on why children idealize their parents, click here).
5) Fears about allowing the child freedom

6) The need to eradicate in one’s child behaviours/feelings/attitudes that remind the parents of aspects of themselves they fear and have repressed

7) Revenge for the emotional damage they suffered at the hands of their own parents (again, most frequently this occurs on an unconscious level).

Views Of Dr Saul Krugman

Another expert in this field, Dr Saul Krugman (1911-1995), an American pediatrician, echoed Alice Miller’s view in 1989 when he stated that many individuals who were abused in childhood do not consider themselves as victims and that this attitude is frequently found in those who go on to abuse their own children and contributes in part to the explanation to the question of how the intergenerational cycle of abuse is (sometimes unwittingly) perpetuated.

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

 

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