According to psychodynamic theory, if, as babies, we are subjected to significant emotional abuse by the primary caregiver (usually the mother) such as constantly being subjected to her extreme anger, rage, and hostility, we are at risk of developing a profound and pervasive sense of inner shame – the unshakeable inner conviction that we are bad beyond redemption and worthless to humanity.
This can have extremely long-lasting, even lifelong (in the absence of effective therapy) effects, including great difficulty developing meaningful and satisfying relationships with others and the unconscious adaptation of three main psychological defense mechanisms, according to the psychodynamic psychoanalyst, Burgo Ph.D.
Burgo identifies these three psychological defense mechanisms against the almost unbearable emotional pain our feelings of inner shame cause us as follows :
2) BLAMING OTHERS
3) TREATING OTHERS WITH CONTEMPT
1) Narcissism: Narcissists feel a desperate need to be admired by others and to feel superior to them. They may try to achieve this through their appearance (expensive clothes, jewelry, cosmetic ‘enhancements’ etc), occupational/professional success, social popularity, and various other means, ‘Above all, they need to be the center of attention (even notoriety is better than being ignored in their eyes). Their interest in others tends to be superficial at best (unless it involves exposing said others’ weaknesses and ‘inferiority, of course).
All these devices are a largely unconscious (usually) way of trying to keep hidden, concealed, and buried (from themselves and others) their profound inner sense of shame and unworthiness.
2) Blaming others: Because those afflicted by deep, internal feelings of shame cannot bear to be reminded of their own imperfections or to have them exposed, they deflect any blame that it might be their responsibility to accept onto others.
3) Treating others with contempt: This psychological defense works in a similar way to the psychological defense of blaming others (see above). Viewing and/or treating others in a contemptuous manner is very frequently a projection of one’s sense of one’s own inferiority onto others.
Dealing With Guilt and Shame Changing a guilty mindset can be much easier using gentle psychological tools to ease it away. Overcome guilt and shame today.
David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).