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How Unresolved Emotional Pain Can Reduce Sympathy For Others


According to psychodynamic theory, if, as young children, we experienced feelings that caused us severe psychological pain, we are likely to have REPRESSED them (buried them in our unconscious) as continuing to experience them would have been intolerable to us. This results in the pain remaining UNPROCESSED and UNRESOLVED.

However, although this process (which is automatically triggered on an unconscious level rather than deliberately willed) means we are no longer directly aware of this psychological pain, there is a very heavy price to pay – namely that the repressed feelings start to wreak psychological havoc with us ‘behind the scenes’, even though we are not aware it is doing so. (We may, many years later, however, gain insight into the mechanics of this process with the help of an effective therapist).

For example, if a mother does not provide her infant with love and affection, the infant’s desperate need for this love and affection will be so intense and unbearable that s/he REPRESSES this need and the feelings associated with having the need unmet. Whilst this process of repression removes the pain of his/her need for love from conscious awareness, the repressed information will, nevertheless, express itself indirectly; for example, the child may start to have intense nightmares. And, as the child continues to get older, s/he is very likely to display other symptoms of the repression, such as becoming highly disruptive in the classroom (and, perhaps, as a result, being inappropriately diagnosed with attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD).


In both children and adults, when we are repressing severe psychological pain our feelings, in general, tend to shut down – they become blunt and we may consequently feel ‘numb’ as if we are living in a dream world‘ or as if we are ‘zombies‘ and functioning on ‘autopilot’.


Tragically, when our feelings shut down in this way, life becomes essentially meaningless – because of this, the pain of others, too, becomes less of a concern for us and we may find a significant reduction, therefore, in feelings of empathy and sympathy where others are concerned. We become, in effect, desensitized to both our own pain and that of others.

Also, we are expending so much mental energy on the process of repression (although we are unaware of this) we lack the mental energy to focus on the needs of others. We are overwhelmed and engulfed by our own problems. Indeed, the more we are repressing, the more mental energy we will be expending, and the more shut down our feelings, for both ourselves and others, are likely to be.

A Possible Psychodynamic Solution :

In order to recover, according to psychodynamic theory, it is necessary, under the guidance of a suitably qualified therapist, to bring the painful, hitherto repressed, information into consciousness and then work through it and process it in such a way that the issue becomes resolved. This is a complex process, and, therefore, the expertise and experience of the therapist are of paramount importance.


Increase Your Emotional Intelligence | Self Hypnosis Downloads

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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