Is Your Childhood Trauma Affecting Your Marriage?
(Guest post by Marie Miguel).
It’s no secret by now that the trauma you experience as a child can haunt you into adulthood. Being abused as a child can make you aggressive, timid, or experience other emotions or behaviors that can affect your marriage.
If you believe that your childhood may be affecting your marriage, it’s worth it to talk to a counselor. Here are a few ways a traumatic childhood can change your marriage.
Neglect Can Make You Feel Avoidant or Fearful
If your needs were neglected by your parents, you may have a difficult time trusting your partner, even if all evidence points to them being loved. You may feel that one day, your partner will leave you, and you don’t want to show any affection because you feel your partner will not like it. You may not express your feelings and you may even keep secrets because you don’t want your partner to be mad at you.
A Violent Childhood Can Make You Violent
There is no excuse for yelling at your spouse or assaulting them. However, it’s also undeniable that a violent past can make you more violent. If you were hurt as a child, you may be prone to anger or outbursts. If you find yourself being violent, seek help as soon as you can.
When Your Parents Were Both Neglectful and Provided
Sometimes, your parents could have changed from being providing and loving to neglectful. Maybe a change cause this, or another reason. Either way, it can make you feel clingy as an adult. You want your partner to always be around you, and any change in your relationship makes you feel paranoid.
These are just a few ways how a traumatic childhood can affect you. It’s no excuse for any of these behaviors, but instead an explanation. In the end, it’s up to you to get the help you need, and a marriage counselor can help. Here are a few ways the can help.
Helps You Identify the Source of Trauma
Sometimes, you may not know that your childhood trauma is making you act this way. Other times, you may have blocked the trauma out of your memory, and it’s lurking in your unconscious mind. A counselor helps with both of these situations by talking to you and allowing the memories to come out naturally. Once you’re able to find the source, you can work to fix it.
Helps Your Partner Understand
It can be hard for your partner to understand why their spouse behaves in a certain way, even if they know about the past trauma. They may not realize how the trauma can change how they see things and how they act. A counselor will help the partner to empathize while the person is being treated.
They Can Help the Person Move On
The goal of counseling is to help the person move on from the trauma. This isn’t to say they’ll forget it, but instead not let it affect their life. This can be difficult and can require much therapy. Sometimes, it may require the person to act out their trauma and have a favorable outcome. Other times, they use cognitive behavioral therapy to change how they think. Either way, this can allow the person to move on.
If you’re having trouble in your marriage, speak to a counselor. Online counseling services such as BetterHelp allow for counseling at any time and for any situation. Don’t let a past trauma ruin your relationship. Learn how you can move on and enjoy your life.
Marie Miguel Biography
Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.