Tag Archives: Childhood Trauma Symptoms

The Association Between Child Abuse, Trauma and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

childhood_trauma_and_early_signs_of_psychosis

‘Character depends essentially on whether a person is given love, protection, tenderness and understanding during the formative years or is exposed to rejection, coldness, indifference and cruelty.’

Alice Miller.

 

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer.’

Albert Camus.

 


THE ASSOCIATION BETWEEN CHILDHOOD ABUSE, TRAUMA AND BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

Many research studies have shown that individuals who have suffered childhood abuse, trauma and/or neglect are very considerably more likely to develop borderline personality disorder (BPD) as adults than those who were fortunate enough to have experienced a relatively stable childhood.

it is thought marilyn munroe suffered from BPD

It is thought Marilyn Monroe suffered from BPD

Kurt Cobain bpd
Did Kurt Cobain Suffer From BPD?

 

WHAT IS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD)?

 

BPD sufferers experience a range of symptoms which are split into 9 categories. These are:

1) Extreme swings in emotions
2) Explosive anger
3) Intense fear of rejection/abandonment sometimes leading to frantic efforts to maintain a relationship
4) Impulsiveness
5) Self-harm
6) Unstable self-concept (not really knowing ‘who one is’)
7) Chronic feelings of ’emptiness’ (often leading to excessive drinking/eating etc ‘to fill the vacuum’)
8) Dissociation ( a feeling of being ‘disconnected from reality’)
9) Intense and highly volatile relationships

For a diagnosis of BPD to be given, the individual needs to suffer from at least 5 of the above.

frequently rejected in childhood, BPD sufferers live in terror of abandoment

frequently rejected in childhood, BPD sufferers live in terror of abandonment

A person’s childhood experiences has an enormous effect on his/her mental health in adult life. How parents treat their children is, therefore, of paramount importance.

BPD is an even more likely outcome, if, as well as suffering trauma through invidious parenting, the individual also has a BIOLOGICAL VULNERABILITY.

In relation to an individual’s childhood, research suggests that the 3 major risk factors are:

– trauma/abuse
– damaging parenting styles
– early separation or loss (eg due to parental divorce or the death of the parent/s)

Of course, more than one of these can befall the child. Indeed, in my own case, I was unlucky enough to be affected by all three. And, given my mother was highly unstable, it is very likely I also inherited a biological/genetic vulnerability.

 

EXAMPLES OF DAMAGING PARENTING STYLES:

 

1) Dysfunctional and disorganized – this can occur when there is a high level of marital discord or conflict. It is important, here, to point out that even if parents attempt to hide their disharmony, children are still likely to be adversely affected as they tend to pick up on subtle signs of tension.

Chaotic environments can also impact very badly on children. Examples are:

– constant house moves
– parental alcoholism/illicit drug use
– parental mental illness and instability/verbal aggression

 

2) Emotional invalidation. Examples include:

– a parent telling their child they wish he/she could be more like his/her brother/sister/cousin etc.
– a parent telling the child he is ‘just like his father’ (meant disparagingly). This invalidates the child’s unique identity.
– telling a child s/he shouldn’t be upset/crying over something, therefore invalidating the child’s reaction and implying the child’s having such feelings is inappropriate.
– telling the child he/she is exaggerating about how bad something is. Again, this invalidates the child’s perception of how something is adversely affecting him/her.
– a parent telling a child to stop feeling sorry for him/herself and think about good things instead. Again, this invalidates the child’s sadness and encourages him/her to suppress emotions.

Invalidation of a child’s emotions, and undermining the authenticity of their feelings, can lead the child to start demonstrating his/her emotions in a very extreme way in order to gain the recognition he/she previously failed to elicit.

 

3) Child trauma and child abuse – people with BPD have very frequently been abused. However, not all children who are abused develop BPD due to having a biological/genetic RESILIENCE and/or having good emotional support and validation in other areas of their lives (eg at school or through a counselor).

Trauma inflicted by a family member has been shown by research to have a greater adverse impact on the child than abuse by a stranger. Also, as would be expected, the longer the traumatic situation lasts, the more likely it is that the child will develop BPD in adult life.

 

4) Separation and loss – here, the trauma is caused, in large part, due to the child’s bonding process development being disrupted. Children who suffer this are much more likely to become anxious and develop ATTACHMENT DISORDERS as adults which can disrupt adult relationships and cause the sufferer to have an intense fear of abandonment in adult life. They may, too, become very ‘clingy’, fearful of relationships, or a distressing mixture of the two.

This site examines possible therapeutic interventions for BPD and ways the BPD sufferer can help himself or herself to reduce BPD symptoms.

 

 

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Childhood Trauma : Long-Term Effects and Symptoms

childhood_trauma_questionnaire

Although I have written at length about the effects of childhood trauma on our adult life, I thought, in this post, I would simply list these in order to provide an easy reference point to these main symptoms.

You can read my articles about the specific symptoms, and how they relate to childhood  trauma, by clicking where it says ‘click here’ after the specific symptom in which you are interested.

THE LONG-TERM EFFECTS AND SYMPTOMS OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMA :

As we have already seen, childhood trauma may be caused by emotional, sexual or physical abuse. If we have experienced it, it can cause us to develop the following symptoms in our adult life :

-poor sense of own identity (click here)

-low self-esteem (click here)

-low confidence

-inability to control our emotions (click here)

-loneliness and social isolation

-perfectionism

-unrealistic guilt (click here)

-anxiety (click here)

-failure syndrome (a feeling that any success we have is undeserved – instead, it is seen as a fluke and there is constant dread that one’s ‘true ineptitude’ (as the individual sees it) will be exposed at any minute

-violent mood swings

-crisis orientation (an intense need to deal with the crises of others)

-depression (click here)

-unresolved anger (click here)

-unresolved resentment

-sexual acting out (click here)

-eating disorders (click here)

-addictions (click here)

-hypochondria

-panic attacks

-phobias

-chronic fatigue syndrome (click here)

-migraine headaches

-codependency (click here)

-inability to form/maintain relationships (click here)

-excessive compliance

-excessive passivity

-borderline personality disorder (BPD) click here

-post traumatic stress disorder/complex post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD?CPTSD) click here

-transference of needs (if we were not loved and shown affection as children we may, in our adult lives, substitute other things for them such as alcohol, drugs, sex and food).

 

Suffering significant childhood trauma is so damaging because it outlives, sometimes by decades (without appropriate therapeutic intervention), the actual period for which the trauma was directly experienced. However, there are effective treatments, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (click here to read my article on this).

For self-help, a place to start is to use the techniques of MINDFULNESS MEDITATION (click here), SELF-HYPNOSIS, or a combination of both. In relation to this, I particularly recommend  (I have used their products to my own benefit) HypnosisDownloads.com, who provide self-hypnosis MP3s/CDs to help with the treatment of many of the above problems (just type the relevant problem into their search engine).

To visit their site, please click on the banner below. Alternatively, see my ‘RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS’ page by clicking on this item in the main menu, where I provide product reviews.

 David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

 

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Addressing Effects of Childhood Trauma with Dialectical Behavior Therapy : PART 1-Introduction.

I have already written one post about the very promising new therapy for treating the effects of childhood trauma called DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY (DBT); this therapy has been found to be particularly effective in treating those who, in part due to their childhood experiences, have gone on to develop BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD).

Five skills are central to DBT; these are as follows:

1) CORE MINDFULNESS
2) TAKING THE’MIDDLE PATH’
3) DISTRESS TOLERANCE
4) EMOTIONAL REGULATION
5) INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

In this introductory post, I will concentrate upon 1 and 2 above. I will go on to examine 3,4 an5 above in later posts (to be published very soon). So let’s start by looking at 1:

1) CORE MINDFULNESS: DBT describes the mind as having 3 components (these are concepts, not actual distinct physical part of the brain, obviously). The 3 components are:

a) the reasonable mind
b) the emotional mind
c) the wise mind

Let’s examine each of these in turn:

a) the reasonable mind: this can be summed up, according to DBT, as the part of the brain which acts according to reason, logic and rationality

b) the emotional mind: according to DBT, this is the part of the brain which operates on the basis of our feelings (when the ‘heart controls the head’)

c) the wise mind: ideally, according to DBT, we should allow this part of the brain to guide us; it is A BALANCE BETWEEN 1 and 2 above, when the reasonable and emotional brain are operating in effective HARMONY.

If we are able to operate in ‘wise mind mode’, this will mean we can maintain control and prevent ourselves from becoming a victim of our own intense emotions. In order to see the importance of this, we need only consider times in our lives when our behaviour has been dominated by our emotions and the negative effects this may have led to. Indeed, not learning to control emotions can leave our lives in ruins, not least due to the frequent self-destructive effects of our emotional outbursts.

2) TAKING THE MIDDLE PATH: This is a metaphor for avoiding the trap of constantly seeing issues in terms of BLACK AND WHITE (eg all good/all bad and a marked tendency to perpetually think IN TERMS OF EXTREMES). DBT stresses the importance of teaching ourselves to FOCUS MORE ON THE GREY AREAS and to try to take A BROADER RANGE OF PERSPECTIVES when considering issues, to think more FLEXIBLY and to THINK LESS IN ABSOLUTE TERMS.

Taking the middle path, according to DBT, also involves BOTH VALIDATING OUR OWN THOUGHTS/FEELINGS AND THOSE OF OTHERS. Even if others don’t understand, DBT stresses that we need to comfort ourselves when distressed by reminding ourselves that how we are feeling is real and makes sense under the current circumstances we find ourselves in. We can remind ourselves, too, that no matter what others may think, NOBODY UNDERSTANDS US AS WELL AS WE UNDERSTAND OURSELVES (others can’t understand what it is ‘to be in our heads’; we should not be ashamed of how we feel). By applying this compassion and understanding to ourselves, as part of ‘taking the middle path’ it seems fair that we should extend similar understanding to others – we can accept what they feel, as non-judgmentally as possible, irrespective of whether we approve or not.

My next posts will look at the other 3 key skills DBT teaches us (3,4 and 5 above, namely: DISTRESS TOLERANCE, EMOYIONAL REGULATION and INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS.

I hope you have found this post of interest. Please leave a comment if you would like to; I’ll respond a.s.a.p.

New posts are added frequently to this blog, please click on ‘FOLLOW’ if you would like immediate notification of all newly published articles.

Best Wishes, David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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A Closer Examination of The Effects of Childhood Trauma. Part One..

It has been stated in several of the posts which I have already published on this site that our childhood experiences have an incalcuably large effect on how we develop later on in life, and, in particular, the quality (or lack, thereof) of the relationship we had with our parents. Research has informed us that the effects of early, adverse experience may permeate and poison major areas of the affected individual’s life later on in life.

I’d like to start by recapping the major areas of a person’s life that the experience of childhood trauma may affect; these effects can last for many, many years, and, if effective treatment is not assiduously sought and implemented, even a whole life-time :

1 – the individual’s ability to regulate (control) emotions
2 – the individual’s capacity to form lasting relationships and integrate/interact in an appropriate manner socially.
3- the individual’s behaviour
4- the individuals cognitive ability (thinking skills) and achievements related to this
5- the individual’s physical health

In PART ONE of this post, I will look only at numbers 1 and 2 above. Numbers 3,4 and 5 will be examined in PART TWO, to be published shortly.

Let’s examine each of these in turn:

1) THE INDIVIDUAL’S EMOTIONAL HEALTH – Effects of childhood trauma can, and frequently do, lead to the individual developing a perpetual and pervasive sense of unease, fearfulness and anxiety in later life. Often, in an attempt to reduce these distressing feelings, the individual may WITHDRAW FROM INTERACTING WITH OTHERS. In earlier childhood, such anxiety may have expressed itself through self-harm such as hair pulling or creating lesions (sometimes with a knife) to the flesh.

If early stress in life has been protracted in nature, sleep disruption (eg constant waking, vivid, intense nightmaers etc) may frequently develop.

If some of the trauma in childhood was of a particularly intense nature, it may also lead to ‘flashbacks’ in later life, together with the types of nightmares mentioned above.

In later life, too, the individual who has experienced childhood trauma may develop a constantly ‘flat’ mood, devoid of excitement or joy; indeed, the ability of the brain (this need NOT be permanent) to feel positive or pleasant emotions may be completely lost (psychologists term this type of joyless, ‘flat’ emotional state, in which the brain loses its ability to create positive feelings, ANHEDONIA). A mental state such as this will also, often, be accompanied by intense feelings of (usually irrational) GUILT.

However, some may be emotionally affected in a different way : as a result of having suffered childhood trauma the affected individual’s emotions may become HIGHLY VOLATILE and UNPREDICTABLE. The individual may become very quick to anger. and, also, as a result, s/he may develop a reputation as someone who is EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE and prone to EXTREME EMOTIONAL OVER-REACTIONS. The term ‘over-sensitive’ may also be freely banded, in relation to the suffering and hurt individual, by incomprehending and bemused others, and they are likely, sadly, to ‘wash their hands’ of the individual, preferring not to invest time attempting to get to the root of things and offer help and support.

As the individual who has experienced childhood trauma gets older, CHRONIC FEELINGS OF INTENSE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS MAY DEVELOP. Relentless anxiety, which will, invariably, be a significant component of such distress, may, too, lead to a state of constant exhaustion and dibilitating fatigue. This, in turn, may well lead to DEPRESSION; the depression may, itself, then lead to alcoholism or misuse of other mood altering substances.

Finally, as a result of severe childhood trauma, DISSOCIATIVE (see my post on DISSOCIATION) symptoms may appear; when dissociative symptoms do develop, research suggests that such symptoms are linked to EXCESSIVE ANGER and LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

2) THE INDIVIDUAL’S CAPACITY TO FORM LASTING RELATIONSHIPS AND INTEGRATE/INTERACT APPROPRIATELY SOCIALLY – Different individuals will be affected later in life, with respect to their social functioning, in different ways. These include:

– becoming very withdrawn (tragically, this may lead to them being perceived as sullen, morose and unlikeable, which is then likely to lead on to SOCIAL REJECTION , and, even, perhaps, total OSTRACISISM).

– becoming ‘difficult’ (frequently, this also has damaging knock-on effects, such as conflict with others, and, thus, as above, social rejection)

– becoming easily angry at other people to ‘push them away’ (often this will operate on an unconscious level) : the individual may have been so denigrated by others in childhood that s/he has been made to feel worthless and ashamed (having INTERNALIZED THE VIEW OF HIM/HER THOSE CLOSE TO HIM/HER HAVE TAKEN – as a result, very often, of PROJECTING THEIR OWN GUILT onto him/her (who may well have been turned into A CONVENIENT FAMILY SCAPEGOAT, deflecting the need for other family members to examine their own consciences).

– in adulthood, too, sexual promiscuity may also develop, possibly (and, again, unconsciously) in a (futile) attempt to gain attention and love.

I hope you have found this post of interest. I look forward to seeing you again for Part Two, to be published imminently! Please click on the FOLLOW icon if you would like immediate notification of all future post publications. Or you may wish to leave a comment, to which I’ll reply a.s.a.p.

Best wishes, David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Why We Worry.

Other posts in this category have already dealt with how early life experience of trauma can contribute to us becoming anxious adults, and, also, that the type of negative thinking (cognitive) style we may have developed as a result of the early trauma can perpetuate symptoms of depression and anxiety. But what are the other causes of excessive worrying and what are the other ways of dealing with the problem? It is to this question I now turn:

CAUSES OF ANXIETY/EXCESSIVE WORRY:

1) OUR GENETIC INHERITANCE: It seems we can inherit a predisposition towards anxiety genetically. This means, for example, if we have a parent who is very anxious, all else being equal, we are more likely to become anxious ourselves due to our genetic inheritance. (Also, of course, if we have a very anxious parent, we are more likely to develop anxious responses due to ‘learned behaviour’ – ie modelling our behavioural reponses on those of the anxious parent). However, the key word here is ‘predisposition’; in other words, having an anxious parent will not guarantee that we, ourselves, will become anxious adults, but, rather, we will be more vulnerable to this happening if other factors also affect us in life (such as those detailed below):

2) LATER LIFE EXPERIENCES: If we have suffered the experience of early life trauma, the damage done by this can be compounded (made worse) by going on to experience yet further trauma in later life. It is particularly unfortunate, then, that early life trauma can in itself create problems for us in later life, thus increasing the probability that further trauma will strike (which is one reason, amongst many others, why early therapeutic intervention is crucial for those affected by childhood trauma).

3) DRUGS: It is not just a side-effect of many illicit drugs which can create anxiety conditions; some prescribed drugs, too, can cause anxiety as a side effect. It is, of course, always important to ask doctors about possible unwanted effects of the medications they may prescribe.

4) INTERNAL CONFLICTS: Sometimes we behave in ways which CONFLICT with our own ideals and values, or the ideals and values we have INTERNALISED from our upbringing and culture (even if we have only internalized them on an unconscious level). Freud believed we all have such internal conflicts, a price he thought was paid for living in a ‘civilized’ society, in which we are compelled to repress many natural human instincts (for those who are interested, you may wish to investigate further Freud’s view of how the ‘Id’ (the name he gave to our instinctual self/basic impulses) and the ‘Superego’ (the name he gave to our conscience/moral selves, which develops due to learning from parents, teachers, society, culture etc) may be constantly ‘at war’ with each other.

Therapists who place emphasis on the link between INTERNAL CONFLICTS and ANXIETY tend to recommend what is known as PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY.

5) NEUROLOGICAL FACTORS: This refers to how the brain we possess is physically set up or ‘wired’ Some of us are, it seems, ‘wired’ in such a way that our ‘internal alarm systems’ are highly sensitive. I have discussed in other posts how the brain’s physical ‘wiring’ can be affected by the experience of early trauma.

The technique of hypnotherapy can be very effective at helping us to conquer our worries and reduce our anxiety :

TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HYPNOSIS, HERE IS A LINK TO A RECOMMENDED HYPNOTHERAPY BLOG TO WHICH THIS SITE IS AFFILIATED : http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/blog/feed/?a=5719!blog

My next post will examine further questions related to anxiety conditions. To receive instant notification of when posts are published, you can, of course, follow this blog. New posts are added at least twice per week, and, often, more frequently.

Please leave a comment if you would like to – I will respond as soon as I am able.

Best wishes, David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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How to Cope with Difficult Memories, Part One.

In a previous post, I wrote about traumatic memories and talked about how psychologists have divided them into two types:

1) Flashbacks
2) Intrusive memories

Such memories can be very painful and emotionally distressing. Let’s look at strategies which we can implement to help manage our problem memories:

1) Flashbacks: strategies which are helpful in managing them:

There are three main ways which can help us to achieve this:

a) PLANNED AVOIDANCE
b) ‘GROUNDING’ TECHNIQUES (which act as DISTRACTORS)
c) THOROUGH REVIEW OF THE FLASHBACK (this technique is connected to the psychological technique known as DESENSITISATION – by repeatedly exposing oneself to the feared object, or, in this case, memory, gradually weakens its negative psychological impact)

PLANNED AVOIDANCE: this technique involves avoiding TRIGGERS that, by experience, we know trigger our traumatic memories. This can provide valuable ‘breathing space’ until we feel ready to try to process and make sense of our memories, usually with the help of a psychotherapist. In order to use this technique, it is necessary, of course, to, first, spend some time thinking about what our personal triggers are.

‘GROUNDING TECHNIQUES: this technique is based upon DISTRACTION; the rationale behind it is that it is impossible to focus on two different things at the same time. So, the idea of the technique is to strongly focus on something neutral, or, better still, something pleasant – the brain, when we do this, will be unable to focus on the memory which was giving rise to distress and emotional pain.

It does not really matter what we choose to focus on in order to distract us – it might even be, say, the chair in which we sit: what is its colour, its shape, its texture and feel to the touch, the material from which it is made…etc…etc..? I know this sounds rather silly, but, if we concentrate on it like this for a while, almost as if we were carrying out a forensic examination (think Poirot or Sherlock Holmes), it can act as a powerful, temporary distractor when we feel, potentially, we could be overwhelmed by our thoughts and memories.

We can implement the grounding technique by using what are known as ‘GROUNDING OBJECTS’ – this term refers to physical objects (ideally, easily transportable, so, a full sized model of, say, Stompy the Elephant, for instance, might not be such a great idea). But, seriously, it could be something as simple as a shell from the sea-side – it can really be anything, just so long as it evokes a feeling of safety and comfort. When feeling distressed, the object can be held and looked at with the intense focus referred to above in the description of the grounding technique. Also, as Proust helpfully pointed out, aromas can be very evocative – something relaxing such as lavender could be used.

As well as using grounding objects, we can also use what are known as ‘GROUNDING IMAGES’. This involves thinking of a place in which we feel safe, secure and comforted. It is a good idea to make the image as intense and detailed as possible (although people’s ability to visualize varies considerably – I’m hopeless at visualizing). If you are able to visualize it in such a way as to allow you to mentally interact with it (eg imagine walking around in the location you are imagining) so much the better. To get to the safe imaginary place in your mind, it is also useful to have what is known as a ‘LINKING IMAGE’; again, as this is an imaginary way of linking (getting) to the ‘location’ it can be anything; for example, when feeling distressed, you could imagine yourself ‘floating away’ to your ‘safe place’. Once mentally ‘located’ in the safe place, it is again helpful to imagine then ‘place’ as intensely as possible, using our old friend the GROUNDING TECHNIQUE, so that it almost feels you are really there, where NOTHING CAN HARM YOU.

It is also possible to employ the assistance of what are referred to as “GROUNDING PHRASES’. These can be very simple, such as “I am strong enough to deal with this, I always get through it’, or, even more simply, ‘I’m OK’. We can try to bring these phrases to mind and repeat them to ourselves when we are feeling distressed.

There is even a technique known as ‘GROUNDING POSITIONS’. This, very simply, refers to altering our body’s position to produce a psychological benefit; for some, this might be standing up straight with shoulders back to produce a feeling of greater confidence; for others it might be curling up in bed in embryo position to produce a feeling of greater safety and security. Such techniques, whilst, possibly, sounding vaguely silly, can be surprisingly effective.

I will continue looking at how we can help ourselves cope with difficult memories in part TWO, starting with ‘c’ above: a THOROUGH REVIEW OF FLASHBACKS.

Please leave a comment if you would like to – I will, of course, reply as soon as I can. New posts are added to this blog at least twice per week. Please follow this blog if you would like instant notification of every new post.

Best wishes, David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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The Use of Hypnosis to Treat Trauma.

childhood_trauma_effects

Research has shown that hypnosis can be of benefit for individuals suffering from trauma related conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Hypnosis is not used in isolation to treat such conditions, but in conjunction with other therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy.

Research studies have demonstrated that the use of hypnosis as part of the therapy for trauma based conditions can be particularly effective in:

– reducing the intensity and frequency of intrusive, distressing thoughts and nightmares
– decreasing avoidance behaviours (ie avoidance of situations which remind the individual under treatment of the original trauma)
– reducing the intensity and frequency of the mental re-experiencing the trauma
– reducing anxiety, hyper-vigilance and hyper-arousal that the trauma has caused
– helping the individual to psychologically INTEGRATE the memory of trauma in a way which reduces symptoms of dissociation (I have written a post on dissociation which some of you may like to look at)
– helping the individual to develop more adaptive coping strategies

On top of the above benefits, the use of hypnosis has been shown to be very likely to improve the therapeutic relationship between the individual undergoing treatment and the therapist.

However, it is not recommended that hypnosis be used to ‘recover buried memories of trauma’ as this has been shown to be unreliable and it is also likely that the use of hypnosis for this purpose can create FALSE MEMORIES in the person being treated.

Some individuals have been significantly helped by the use of hypnosis as part of their therapy for trauma related conditions such as PTSD in as little as just a few sessions. As one would expect, however, the more complex the trauma related condition is, the longer that effective treatment for it is likely to take.

childhood_ trauma _workbook

Above eBooks now available for immediate download on Amazon. CLICK HERE.

 

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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How I Went from 1/4 Million Pounds in Bank to Homeless Hostel in a Few Months (or Just What the Doctor Ordered).

childhood_trauma_effects_and_therapy

I started this blog about four months ago, and, recently, have reflected on the possibility that it is really just one long exercise in self-justification. After all, I’ve made mistakes in life. One mistake that many would consider particularly inexplicable was how I managed to lose just over a quarter of a million pounds in a few short months:

I will not repeat my psychiatric history, which I have already outlined in the short post entitled: MY OWN STORY; suffice it to say, over the years, I have had the following diagnoses: unipolar depression, bipolar depression, anxiety disorder, OCD (related to self-harming -don’t ask), alcohol dependency, asperger’s syndrome (suspected but not officially diagnosed) and, for good measure, it was decided that borderline personality disorder be tossed into this already alarmingly toxic mix. OK, different psychiatrists have different opinions – it’s an inexact science. One thing we can all probably agree on, however, is that I wasn’t in overwhelmingly good psychological shape.

Let me cut to the chase. My father died about five years ago. The relationship I had with him, from my early teens, I suppose, was a tortured one. I watched him die, very unpleasantly, from cancer, which was made all the more painful for the ambivalence I had always felt towards him. After his death, my symptoms worsened, notwithstanding the fact he had left me over a quarter of a million pounds.

 

gambling_addiction_true_story

 

The money took about six months to come through. The day it entered my account, I remember, I felt flat and empty. My strongest emotion, certainly, was guilt.

Apart from renting a flat, I bought nothing material with the money. My depression was such that nothing I could have bought would have had the slightest elevating effect upon my mood.

In order to divert myself, I started playing online poker. This was a great distraction. It made me feel something. It took me to a different mental realm. Just me, the cards and the bets. Nothing else existed. Soon I was putting down a thousand pounds a hand. I went down 50,000. I had to win it back. Down another 50,000. Well, now I’ve got no choice: I MUST win it back. Down to my last 30,000. OK, I might not be able to win it all back. Just get back up to 100,000.

Finally, the stark message came up on the screen : YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT CREDIT FOR THIS BET.

I remember, after I’d played my last bet and lost everything, I went and sat on the sofa, lit a cigarette, and felt a strange, yet profound, sense of release and relief  – something, in fact, akin to elation.

It had been cathartic. Expensive, but cathartic.

The psychiatrist working with me at the time wrote to Ladbrokes (who I had lost the lion’s share of the money to on their online gambling site) as he felt they had failed in their duty of care to protect vulnerable people from being exploited by their site. However, after protracted correspondence they started to send me letters intimidating me out of my claim and refused to return a penny.

Losing the money also led me to losing the flat and all my possessions. I didn’t have the money to put them in storage, let alone a flat to accommodate them.

 

gambling_addiction_true_story

 

A couple of months of intense fear followed; the council warned me that, due to my, arguably, irresponsible behaviour, I might be officially deemed ‘intentionally homeless’, which would fully relieve them of any responsibility towards me whatsoever. I faced street homelessness.

In the end, however, I was placed into a hostel for people with psychiatric disturbances and behavioural problems. The support there was excellent and I was put in contact with other extremely skilled professionals.

After nearly two years in the hostel system, I finally, you will be relieved to hear, obtained a very nice flat, in which I now sit, pensively typing away at my keyboard.

David Hosier.

Founder of childhoodtraumarecovery.com

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