We have seen in other articles that I have published on this site that children who grow up in households in which domestic violence is prevalent (eg. growing up in a household in which the father regularly beats the mother) are put at high risk of developing significant emotional and behavioural difficulties.
Indeed, without therapy, it is possible for the adverse effects on the child of having witnessed domestic violence to last well into adulthood and to significantly diminish his/her quality of life (click here to read one of my articles about the effects of domestic violence on children).
According to the Minnonite Domestic Violence Task Force (Lehman,1996), perpetrators of domestic violence frequently exhibit the following characteristics:
Characteristics Of Perpetrators Of Domestic Violence:
– the man has a very possessive attitude towards the woman, as if he ‘owns’ her and she is his ‘property’; also, he is prone to exhibit extreme jealousy
– he blames others for his faults, deflecting blame from himself
– he attributes his problems to his circumstances (as above, this strategy serves to deflect blame from himself)
– he is very prone to unpredictable behaviour
– he verbally derides and belittles his partner; he is also prone to telling her she’s ‘crazy’ in order to discredit her and to undermine her confidence in the truth of her a own views (this is sometimes referred to as ‘gaslighting’ which you can read about in one of my articles by clicking here)
– perpetually pleads for ‘another/final chance’
– perpetually promises ‘to change’
– may have been abused as a child or witnessed domestic abuse in his own childhood home (eg. his mother being beaten by his father)
– plays on his partner’s guilt (eg. by blaming his behaviour on her/ claiming provocation)
– liable to abusing alcohol and drugs that cause his behaviour to become worse still
– can only see things from his own perspective / closed minded
– may appear charming and gentle to outsiders
– he may abuse his own children
– refuses treatment, or, if he agrees to it, may ‘play games’ with the therapist.
HopeLine – support for those experiencing domestic violence.
David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).
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