Category Archives: Bpd Articles

Study Shows 73% Recover from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Study Shows 73% Recover from Borderline Personality Disorder  (BPD)

Until recently, it was frequently suggested that borderline personality disorder (BPD) was very difficult, if not impossible, to treat. During my research for this article, I have been disturbed to discover, also, that in the recent past some clinicians did not regard BPD as an illness at all – instead, they put forward the view that those diagnosed with BPD were not mentally disordered, but, rather, simply ‘bad’ and ‘manipulative’ people!

This reminds me of a time I made a very serious and determined suicide attempt and the psychiatrist I saw afterwards (who knew very little about me) tried to make the case that I had not really intended to kill myself but was seeking attention and sympathy. When I protested and tried to explain the attempt had been made very much in earnest (one might even say, ‘deadly earnest), he responded (and I quote him verbatim) : ‘It sounds like you’re talking bullshit to me!’

Highly professional, I must say!

In connection with the cynical and deeply insulting attitude that my psychiatrist displayed, I would also point out that, in my own personal view, some individuals (in my case, certain family members and former friends) like to take the view the BPD sufferer is not really ill as this, in their minds, absolves them of any responsibility to provide help and support.

Despite such pessimism, a study funded by Columbia University found that 73.5% of the participants who took mpart in their study recovered from BPD within 6 years. Even more encouragingly, it was found in the same study that more than half actually recovered within just 2 years.

Another encouraging finding of the study was that only 6% of those who had recovered relapsed (and, even if they did, this was mainly due to the effects of an extremely stressful event/s).

FURTHER RESULTS FROM THE STUDY :

– 1.4% of the participants commited suicide in the first 2 years of the study

– 1.7% of the participants commited suicide in the next 2 years of the study

– 0.7% of the participants commited suicide in the final 2 years of the study

(This gives a total of 3.8%, or about 1 in 25, who commited suicide during the study).

– 65.9% achieved good psychological functioning by the end of the study (32.4% after 2 years, 48.3% after 4 years, 65.9% by end of study).

SPECIFIC SYMPTOMS THAT IMPROVED IN THE INDIVIDUALS IN THE STUDY :

– Impulsiveness (this symptom improved best of all)

– Mood/affect (although this improved leat well)

– Interpersonal functioning

Self-mutilation

– Suicidal behaviours

Psychotic symptoms

The study also showed that the two factors which most helped the individuals to recover were :

1) Ending a destructive relationship

2) Determination to get well.

Study Shows 73% Recover from Borderline Personality Disorder  (BPD)Study Shows 73% Recover from Borderline Personality Disorder  (BPD)Study Shows 73% Recover from Borderline Personality Disorder  (BPD)

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Best wishes, David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Copyright 2013 Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery

Borderline Mother : Four Types

 

Borderline Mother : Four Types

All individuals who suffer from BPD, including the borderline mother, experience its core symptoms; these are

fear

– helplessness

– emptiness

anger

However, one of these symptoms may PREDOMINATE and thus shape a particular BPD sufferer’s character.

Borderline Mother : Four Types

In relation to this idea, James Masterson (1988) classified borderline mothers into four sub-groups; these are :

1) THE WAIF MOTHER

2) THE HERMIT MOTHER

3) THE QUEEN MOTHER

4) THE WITCH MOTHER

Let’s look at each of these in turn :

1) THE WAIF MOTHER – personality traits include helplessness, hopelessness, proneness to deep despair, extremely low self-esteem, very high sensitivity, having a ‘victim mentality’, passivity and vulnerability. Sees self as failure. May treat her children alternately indulgently and negligently. There often exists an intense underlying feeling of rage which may be particularly likely erupt in response to abandonment (either real or imagined).

POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF WAIF MOTHER ON CHILDREN :

– they may come to see themselves as failures for not being able to make her happy

– they may internalize her despairing view of the world and become despairing themselves

– they may become ENMESHED in their relationship with her and therefore find it difficult to separate from it.

2) THE HERMIT MOTHER – sees the world as dangerous and people in general as self-serving and callous. Constantly expecting disaster to strike and sees signs of imminent calamity everywhere. Has a deep sense of inner shame which she projects onto others. May have a tough exterior and a superficial image of being confident, determined and independent. However, beneath this façade she tends to be distrustful, insecure and prone to rage and paranoia. Gains self-esteem from work or hobbies.

POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF HERMIT MOTHER ON CHILDREN :

– they may internalize mother’s fear of world in general and therefore become anxious if they need to adapt to new situations

– they may find it very difficult to learn appropriate coping skills in relation to a large variety of life’s problems

– they may find it difficult to trust others

 

3) THE QUEEN MOTHER – constantly craves attention; uses her children to fulfil her own needs; cannot tolerate disagreement or criticism from her children – sees this as evidence that they do not love and respect her; chronic feelings of emptiness; inability to ‘self-soothe’ when distressed; powerful sense of own entitlement – may be prepared to use blackmail in order to get what she wants; capable of planned and premeditated manipulation; discards friends without guilt when they are no longer of use to her

POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF QUEEN MOTHER ON CHILDREN :

– essentially this type of borderline mother sees her children as her audience who must constantly respond to her in ways which bolster her (very fragile) self-esteem – she expects from them their unquestioning and unwavering love, support, attention and admiration. As it is impossible for her children to satisfy her insatiable emotional needs, conflict increases dramatically as the children get older. Rebellion, deep confusion and anger are likely responses from children who live with this kind of mother, but beneath this the children long for approval, recognition, consistency and unconditional love. In essence, however, the ‘queen’ mother’s own needs trump those of her children’s, as far as she is concerned.

4) THE WITCH MOTHER –  this type of borderline mother is consumed by self-hatred (often on an unconscious level) and tends to be extremely hostile and cruel towards their children. Because of their feelings of rage mixed with impotence, they have a propensity to be particularly cruel to those less powerful than they are (eg younger). They also tend to be self-obsessed and have little or no concern for others. They are likely to respond particularly venomously to criticism or rejection. At the base of their need for power and control is their intense desire to prevent abandonment. This particular sub-group of BPD is very resistant to treatment as those who suffer it tend not to allow others to help them.

Borderline Mother : Four Types

POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF WITCH MOTHER ON CHILDREN :

– the children of this type of mother are likely to find themselves as the target of random, intense and cruel attacks

– as with other forms of abuse, children who suffer the verbal/emotional/psychological abuse assume (completely incorrectly) that it is they themselves who are at fault. As a result of this profound misconception, they are likely to become depressed, subject to feelings of shame, insecure, hypervigilant (ie always on ‘red alert’ on the look out for danger) and dissociative (click here to read my article on dissociation).

As adults, they may develop difficulties with forming and maintaining relationships. It is possible, too, that they will go on to develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or suffer from BPD themselves, thus potentially perpetuating the cycle.

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

 

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A Closer Look at the Link Between Childhood Experiences and BPD.

A Closer Look at the Link Between Childhood Experiences and BPD.

One of the things that frequently marks the childhood of individuals who later develop BPD is LOSS, especially when the loss has occurred as a result of death, divorce or serious illness (necessitating long periods in hospital). In one particular research study looking at this, it was found that three-quarters of those suffering from BPD had experienced such losses in childhood.

Abuse also plays a large part in the development of BPD. One study found that 75% of those suffering from BPD had experienced sexual abuse during their childhood compared to 33% of those who suffered from other psychiatric conditions.

However, it is not just obvious trauma in childhood that is linked to the later development of BPD. More subtle forms of problematic parenting also put the child at risk. Examples of this include:

– the parent/s emotionally withdrawing from the child
– inconsistent parenting (eg praise and punishment being distributed in an UNPREDICTABLE manner)
– parent/s discounting, belittling or ignoring the child’s feelings

Another form of problematic parenting which has been linked to the child later developing BPD include:

– the parent behaving too much like a friend rather than a responsible, caring figure
– turning the child into a CONFIDANT
– role reversal : treating the child like a parent

OBJECT RELATIONS THEORY:

Parenting problems are so closely tied to putting the child at risk of later developing BPD because as illustrated, for example, by object relations theory, the way a parent brings up a child has a critical influence on the way the child develops, especially in relation to the following:

– how the child goes on to see him/herself (self-identity, self-concept)
– how the child goes on to view others
– how the child goes on to deal with relationships (functioning in this area often becomes deeply impaired).

The theory suggests, then, that problematic parenting can lead to the child developing identity problems later on together with problems of self-image (affected children will often later develop a view of themselves as ‘bad’, or, even, ‘evil’) with concordant effects upon behavior. Often, also, a feeling of profound HELPLESSNESS will develop.

In relation to how the affected child sees others, certain patterns have been found to emerge. For example, the child may develop into an adult who deeply mistrusts those in authority, viewing them as overwhelmingly vindictive, malicious and punitive. Interestingly, also, however, there can develop a tendency to IDEALIZE people of importance to him/her in the initial stages of knowing them; because, however, this is likely to lead to UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS of the one who has been idealized (especially in relation to them – the idealized one, that is – being able to protect and nurture them) when these high expectations are not lived up to the failure gives rise to feelings of having been BETRAYED in the one who had those expectations.

In conclusion, it should be pointed out that a very difficult childhood does not guarantee the later development of BPD, but risk is elevated if the individual also has a genetic disposition to developing emotional problems.

A Closer Look at the Link Between Childhood Experiences and BPD.A Closer Look at the Link Between Childhood Experiences and BPD.A Closer Look at the Link Between Childhood Experiences and BPD.

Above eBooks now available on Amazon for immediate download. $4.99 each. CLICK HERE.

Best Wishes, David Hosier BSc Hons; MS; PGDE(FAHE).

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Copyright 2013 Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery

Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY (DBT) is an exciting new treatment option for those suffering with BPD. It is a therapy which has elements in common with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

It is an evidence-based treatment (ie it is backed by scientific research).

In the past, BPD was considered to be extremely difficult to treat, but, with the development of therapies such as CBT and DBT, the prognosis is now far more optimistic.

DBT was originally created by the psychologist Marsha Lineham; at first, it was developed with the treatment of females who self-harmed and were suicidal in mind. However, since then, its possible applications have become much broader; it is now used to treat both males and females suffering from a large array of different psychological conditions.

As already stated, DBT has many elements in common with CBT; in addition to this, it also borrows from ZEN and a therapy, which is becoming increasingly popular, called MINDFULNESS.

DBT has been particularly successful in the treatment of BPD (for information about BPD see Category 3 of the main menu : BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND ITS RELATIONSHIP TO CHILDHOOD TRAUMA). It is thought that one of the main CONTRIBUTING FACTORS of BPD is a traumatic childhood in which the child grows up in an INVALIDATING ENVIRONMENT (eg made to feel unloved and worthless). Such a childhood environment is especially likely to result in the child developing BPD in later life if he/she also has a BIOLOGICAL VULNERABILITY (carries certain genes making him/her particularly vulnerable to stress).

When a person is suffering from BPD the condition causes him/her to REACT WITH ABNORMAL INTENSITY TO EMOTIONAL STIMULATION; the individual’s level of emotional arousal goes up extremely fast, peaks at an abnormally high level, and, takes much longer than normal to return to its baseline level.

This condition leads to the affected individual – a victim of his/her uncontrollable, intense emotional reactions – prone to stagger in life from one crisis to the next and to be perceived by others as emotionally unstable. It is thought that, due to the invalidating environment which the sufferer experienced in childhood, the normal ability to develop the coping strategies needed to regulate emotions is blocked, leaving the person defenceless against painful emotional feelings and leading to maladaptive (unhelpful) behaviors.

It is this problem which DBT was is now used to address. The therapy teaches individuals how to cope with, and regulate, their emotions so that they are no longer dominated and controlled by them. This is vital as the inability to control feelings will often wreck crucial areas of life, including friendships, relationships and careers. It is because of these possible effects that DBT also helps individuals develop SOCIAL SKILLS to help reduce the likelihood of them occurring.

DBT has been found to be effective in helping people suffering from a large range of psychiatric conditions; these include;

– self-harming
– depression
– suicidal ideation
– bipolar
– anxiety
– ptsd
– eating disorders
– substance abuse
– low self-esteem
– problems managing anger
– problems managing relationships/friendship

Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

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Best Wishes, David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Copyright 2013 Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery

Latest Research Leads to New List Of Main Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Symptoms: The List

Latest Research Leads to New List Of Main Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Symptoms: The List

Recent research has led to an expansion of the description of the main symptoms of BPD. Following the development of the Sheldern Western Assessment Procedure 200 (an assessment tool which includes 200 questions that aid in the diagnosis of BPD) experts, based on up-to-date research, have now developed a much more detailed and comprehensive list of symptoms of BPD than used to be the case. The list is published in a book by Patrick Kelly and Francis Mondimore -called Borderline Personality Disorder – New Reasons For Hope – who are experts in the field of BPD. I reproduce the list of symptoms in full below:

SYMPTOMS OF BPD SUFFERERS:

– FULL OF PAINFUL AND UNCOMFORTABLE EMOTIONS : unhappiness, depression, despondency, anxiety, anger, hostility.

– INABILITY TO REGULATE EMOTIONS : emotions change rapidly and unpredictably; emotions tend to spiral out of control leading to extremes in feelings of anxiety, sadness, rage, excitement; inability to self-soothe when distressed so requires involvement of others ; tends to catastrophize and see problems as unsolvable disasters ; tends to become irrational when emotions stirred up which can lead to a drop in the normal level of functioning ; tends to act impulsively without regard for the consequences

– BECOMES EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO OTHERS QUICKLY AND INTENSELY : develops feelings and expectations of others not warranted by history or context of the relationship ; expects to be abandoned by those s/he is emotionally close to ; feels misunderstood, mistreated and victimized ; simultaneously needy and rejecting of others (craves intimacy and caring but tends to reject it when it is offered) ; interpersonal relationships unstable, chaotic and rapidly changing.

– DAMAGED SENSE OF SELF : lacks stable self-image ; attitudes, values, goals and feelings about self may be unstable and changing ; feels inadequate, inferior and like a failure ; feels empty ; feels helpless, powerless and at mercy of outside forces ; feels like an outsider who does not belong ; overly needy and dependent ; needs excessive reassurance and approval.

Quite a list! These symptoms, in my case, ring all too familiar sounding bells ; so much so, in fact, that a set of ear-plugs would not go amiss. Actually, I feel exhausted just by having typed the list out! I think I’ll go and have a lie down.

Latest Research Leads to New List Of Main Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Symptoms: The ListLatest Research Leads to New List Of Main Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Symptoms: The ListLatest Research Leads to New List Of Main Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Symptoms: The List

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David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Copyright 2013 Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) : Further Treatment Options.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) : Further Treatment Options.

Individuals suffering from psychiatric conditions such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) find there are a vast array of therapies on offer purporting to be able to effectively treat them. The choice can seem overwhelming and confusing.

In the case of BPD, however, although many different therapists may claim that the particular therapy that they offer is beneficial, research shows that there are only a few which result in significant improvement.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one example of an effective treatment, but, as I have dealt with that in several of my other posts (just enter ‘CBT’ into this site’s search facility if you are interested in reading any of them) so will not discuss it further here. Instead, in this post I will look at the following 4 evidence-based therapies for individuals suffering from the condition of BPD. These are:

1) DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOUR THERAPY (DBT)

2) MENTALIZATION BASED THERAPY (MBT)

3) TRANSFERENCE-FOCUSED PSYCHOTHERAPY (TFP)

4) SCHEMA THERAPY

Let’s look at each of these in turn:

DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOUR THERAPY –

this was the first therapy specifically designed to treat BPD. Research into its effectiveness have yielded encouraging result : it reduces the risk of the individual who undergoes it from attempting or commiting suicide, and, further, after a year of being treated with DBT many show a significant improvement in their condition (although, despite this improvement, they may still feel substantial emotional distress; due to this fact, it is clear treatment programs lasting significantly longer than a year need to be implemented and assessed).

What does DBT involve? The therapy uses a combination of psychotherapy and group therapy. The group therapy helps the individual recognise that his/her intense emotions often get out of control, in a destructive way, and teaches techniques related to how these emotions may be regulated (controlled) by the individual who suffers them.

DBT is strongly influenced by Buddhist philosophy, and, drawing from it, encourages the individual to accept his/her distress (see my post entitled ‘Why Fighting Anxiety can Make It Worse’ for more on why such an approach is effective); it also encourages the individual being treated to meditate to calm down the inner emotional storms that may often rage within them.

In conclusion, it is worth saying that although much research suggests that DBT is very effective for treating BPD, because it is complex, and uses techniques from several other therapies, it is difficult for researchers to know exactly which elements of the therapy are the effective ones. More research is necessary to answer that question.

MENTALIZATION BASED THERAPY –

MBT, like DBT, was designed specifically to treat borderline personality disorder. MBT is largely based upon the idea that the core reason why individuals develop BPD is that they EXPERIENCE PROBLEMS EARLY IN LIFE IN CONNECTION WITH HOW THEY BONDED, AND RELATED TO, THEIR PRIMARY CAREGIVERS, which, in turn, leads to them experiencing further DIFFICULTIES WITH FORMING AND MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS IN LATER LIFE. MBT seeks to help the individual suffering from BPD empathize with others, ‘put themselves in their shoes’, and develop awareness and understanding in relation to how their volatile emotional outbursts affect others (people with BPD tend to have an impaired ability to do this if they do not seek out trewatment).

So far research into the effectiveness of MBT has been encouraging. It has been found to:

– reduce hospitalizations

– reduce suicidal behaviours

– improve day-to-day functioning

TRANSFERENCE-FOCUSED PSYCHOTHERAPY (TFP) –

this type of therapy is based upon the theory that individuals who suffer from BPD often have severe difficulties with their perception of interactions with others. Following on from this observation, the theory also assumes that the BPD sufferer will tend, too, to misinterpret his/her relationship with the therapist. In order to try to correct these chronic misperceptions and misinterpretations relating to the individual’s personal interactions, the therapist helps the individual gain awareness of what is going wrong with his/her interpersonal interactions and teach him/her strategies and techniques which help to correct the problem. Research into the effectiveness of TFP continues.

SCHEMA THERAPY –

SCHEMAS are deeply embedded CORE BELIEFS ABOUT ONESELF, OTHERS and THE WORLD IN GENERAL; these deeply held beliefs are LAID DOWN IN CHILDHOOD. The therapy aims to change the BPD sufferer’s NEGATIVE, MALADAPTIVE and UNHELPFUL SCHEMAS into more POSITIVE, ADAPTIVE and HELPFUL ONES.

Early research into the effectiveness of this type of therapy suggests that it can significantly improve quality of life and reduce BPD symptoms. Whilst these findings are encouraging, it is necessary to carry out further research into the therapy’s effectiveness.

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Copyright 2013 Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery

Childhood Trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dissociation.

Childhood Trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dissociation.

I have already written posts explaining the connection between childhood trauma and BPD. An important symptom of BPD is DISSOCIATION, which this post will examine in greater detail.

Dissociation is generally considered to be a COPING MECHANISM in response to severe trauma or stress. The phenomenon of dissociation can involve feeling disconnected from one’s emotions, one’s memories, one’s thoughts or even from reality itself. It is common in those suffering from BPD; BPD frequently occurs in individuals who have experienced childhood trauma.

Dissociation is, essentially, a way of ‘escaping’ from the stressful situation, or memory of the stressful situation, by changing one’s state of consciousness (this often occurs automatically and without intention); sometimes people report feeling ‘numb’. In situations of terror, one may dissociate, and, paradoxically, feel a detached state of calm. It may feel, too, that the traumatic event is not happening to oneself, but that one is ‘observing the traumatic event from outside of the body’, leading to passivity and emotional detachment.

Dissociative feelings of ‘being outside of oneself’ are described as DEPERSONALIZATION and dissociative feelings of being disconnected from reality are described as DEREALIZATION.

Some experts have described dissociation as working a bit like morphine – dampening down emotional and physical pain. However, it is yet to be properly explained what the exact biological mechanisms are that underpin the dissociative experience.

Childhood Trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dissociation.

The four main types of dissociation are:

1) DISSOCIATIVE AMNESIA
2) DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER
3) DISSOCIATIVE FUGUE
4) DEPERSONALIZATION DISORDER

Let’s look at each of these in a little more detail:

1) Dissociative Amnesia: here, large parts of, or all, the traumatic event/s cannot be remembered.

2) Dissociative Identity Disorder: this is also known as MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Here, the person adopts two or more distinct, utterly different personas. The different personas talk in different voices, use different vocabularies etc (they can also actually differ in handedness). The different personas do not have access to ‘each others” memories, studies have shown, so they have distinct ‘personal histories’. It is likely that each persona represents a different strategy for coping with stress.

3) Dissociative Fugue: in this state, individuals can disconnect from their previous personalities, and, then, often, travel far from home to take on, and live under, a completely new persona. They may appear normal to others who have never met them before, even though they are living under a completely new identity, having left a whole life and set of memories behind.

4) Depersonalization Disorder: in this state, individuals can feel detached from their bodies or experiences. A phrase I read in a novel recently may aptly illustrate the sensation: ‘it’s like living in a dream underwater.’

A large number of people who have suffered extreme childhood trauma report experiencing such automatic dissociative states. Furthermore, they may often seek to induce dissociative states, deliberately and artificially, as a way of escaping the constant psychological pain resulting from the initial trauma by, for example, USING ALCOHOL TO EXCESS, USING NARCOTICS, SELF-HARMING or GAMBLING. The kinds of psychological state from which the individual is seeking to escape through dissociation include INSOMNIA, NIGHTMARES, FEELINGS OF RAGE and INTENSE ANXIETY.

LONG-TERM PROBLEMS OF DISSOCIATION:

Dissociation may be helpful (adaptive) in the short-term but problems develop when the state persists long after it has served any beneficial purpose. The psychologist ,Lifton, described prolonged states of ‘psychic numbing’ and ‘mental paralysis’ often resulting from a dissociative response to severe trauma. This can make even basic day-to-day functioning extremely problematic and requires professional intervention.

Childhood Trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dissociation.Childhood Trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dissociation.

Above eBooks now available on Amazon for immediate download. $4.99 each. CLICK HERE.

David Hosier BSc (Hons); MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Copyright 2013 Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery

How Adult Children Can Manage Their Relationship With Parents Who Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Part 2.

 

How Adult Children Can Manage Their Relationship With Parents Who Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Part 2.

For Part 1, click here.

How Adult Children Can Manage Their Relationship With Parents Who Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Part 2.

IMPROVE RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHER HYPNOSIS MP3 – CLICK HERE

If we have been brought up as children with a parent who has BPD, it is often necessary to seek therapy to help resolve the trauma that we have suffered and to help us come to terms with our loss – in effect, our ‘stolen childhood’.

How Adult Children Can Manage Their Relationship With Parents Who Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Part 2.

Above : the unpredictable mood swings of the BPD sufferer

In therapy, it may often be necessary to work through the resentment we might well feel (particularly as this feeling of resentment can be deeply painful for us to carry around) and consider how our lives have been adversely affected.

Also, we may want to work with our therapist to consider what positive or useful things we may have learned from our difficult childhood, perhaps through strategies we adopted to deal with this problematic period of our lives, or from other, more positive, role models (eg teachers, friends, counselors etc).

Reviewing things in such a way can bring to the surface very painful feelings, and, if we do not have a therapist to speak to, talking things over with a sensitive and compassionate friend can be valuable.

Releasing emotions connected with our past through ‘talking them out’ can help us to move forward in our lives. Until we do this, our emotional development can remain arrested (‘stuck’), as I am quite convinced happened in my own case for more years than I care to recollect.

One way in which we can express our, perhaps, long pent-up feelings towards the parent with BPD is to write them a letter describing how their behaviour made our lives so stressful and painful. (It is usually better not to actually send the letter as this runs the risk of making matters worse still; however, some therapists may have different views.)

HOW, AS AN ADULT CHILD, WE CAN NOW PROTECT OURSELVES FROM OUR PARENT WITH BPD?

Individuals with BPD find it very hard to understand that others have personal boundaries, thus it is necessary to put more effort into establishing such boundaries with a parent with BPD than might otherwise be the case.

In some cases, it may be necessary to cut off completely from the parent with BPD, as the relationship is mutually destructive and it appears that this is beyond remedy. That, very sadly, was the decision I had to take with my own mother.

However, such drastic action may not be required; it might, instead, be necessary to make it clear we are unable to cope with constantly supporting the parent with BPD with their endless emotional problems as we have our own to deal with; that we need time alone/personal space/privacy; or that we are not prepared to discuss certain topics which always give rise to unpleasantness, hurt and pain.

These are just examples; there may be several other areas in which we need to make clear our boundaries. A parent with BPD will often put their own emotional needs ahead of ours; we need to be clear in our own minds that we have a right to have our own needs respected.

Indeed, we have a duty to ourselves to meet our own needs, especially as so much emotional damage was done to us as children. We need to ASSERTIVELY make this clear.

Of course, our parent with BPD is very likely to respond by trying to make us feel guilty and bad about ourselves for expressing our own needs, so we need to be prepared in advance for this reaction and not to give in to emotional blackmail. We need to maintain our strength and confidence – a good view to take is that we have a duty to protect the hurt child who still resides within us.

As I have said, it is extremely advisable to have support when thinking about making such changes as I have written about, ideally professional. If, however, this is not possible, there are many support groups for people affected by BPD, both online and offline.

RESOURCES :

MP3s:

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE MP3 – CLICK HERE

 

EBOOKS :

How Adult Children Can Manage Their Relationship With Parents Who Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Part 2.

 

Above eBooks now available on Amazon for immediate download. CLICK HERE

David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

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Copyright 2013 Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery