I have written elsewhere on this site much about the effects that over controlling and domineering parents may have upon their child/children. In this post, however, I’ve listed some of the typical signs that a parent is of this domineering type. They are numbered below, but are in no particular order.
When we were growing up, if our parent/s were over controlling they may have behaved in some of the following ways (and, of course, such parents may continue to attempt to control us well into our adult lives).
1)Did not show respect for, or value, our reasonable ideas and opinions
2)Imposed over-exacting demands on us and refused to listen to even the most reasonable and considered objections
3)Were preoccupied with criticizing us, whilst minimizing or ignoring our good points
4)Excessively concerned about our table manners (eg failing to hold a knife and fork ‘ correctly’)
5)Excessively rigid about what we eat
6)Discouraged us from developing independence of thought,especially if it led to a mismatch between our opinions, views and values and those of the parent
7)Imposed excessive demands on us regarding household rules/duties/regulations which we were not permitted negotiate even if any reasonable person would regard them as inappropriate
8)The parent/s would never admit to being in the wrong, even in very clear-cut circumstances
9)Were excessively and unreasonably controlling regarding our appearance; not respecting our wishes to express our individuality (eg choosing all our clothes without any interest in our opinion about them)
10)Did not repect our choice of career and made demands on us to reconsider and instead pursue a career the parent/s regarded as more ‘suitable’ even when this would make us very unhappy
11)Expected us to reach standards which were impossible to attain and berated us when we inevitably, in their eyes,’failed’.
12)Did not allow us to voice reasonable objections (eg about the family dynamics and how they caused us unhappiness)
13)Were nnecessarily rigid regarding who we ‘ought’ to associate with in a way that reflected prejudice and discrimination against individuals we wished to associate with
14)Tried to make us suppress perfectly normal emotions such as anger, fear and unhappineess
15)Violated our privacy (eg searched our bedroom for our personal diary without a good cause)
16)Tried to control us with emotional blakmail, psychological manipulation, intimidation and threats
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David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).