Hypervigilance And Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (Complex PTSD).

childhood trauma fact sheet51 1 200x60 - Hypervigilance And Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (Complex PTSD).

If we have grown up in a chronically stressful and traumatic environment in which we often experienced anxiety, trepidation, stress and fear we are at high risk of developing a fundamental, core belief (on a conscious and/or unconscious level) that the world is a dangerous place and that we need to be constantly on ‘red-alert’ and ‘on-guard’ in order to protect ourselves from sustaining further psychological injury.

In other words, we GENERALIZE our perception that our childhood environment was a dangerous place (because of the emotional and/or physical harm done to us there) into a perception that everywhere else/the world in general poses an on-going threat to us.

As a result, we may develop a symptom known as HYPERVIGILANCE.

HYPERVIGILANCE is a main symptom of complex PTSD (complex PTSD is a serious psychological disorder strongly associated with childhood trauma which you can read more about by reading my post entitled : Childhood Trauma : Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (With Questionnaire).

th 13 1 - Hypervigilance And Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (Complex PTSD).

HOW DOES HYPERVIGILANCE MANIFEST ITSELF?

Individuals suffering from hypervigilance may :

  • constantly analyze the behavior (including body language, facial expressions, intonation etc) of those around them in an attempt to determine if they pose a threat (and, frequently, they may perceive a threat to exist when, in reality, it does not)
  • be in a constant state of anxiety, irritation and agitation
  • have an exaggerated startle response to loud, unexpected noises
  • experience excessive concern regarding how they are viewed by others
  • be excessively suspicious of others / expect others to betray them ; this can give rise to paranoid-like states
  • perceive danger everywhere even though this is not objectively justified
  • easily be provoked into aggression (as a means of defending themselves against perceived threats from others ; in other words, such aggressive outbursts are a (primarily unconsciously motivated) DEFENSE MECHANISM.
  • PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS (including elevated heart rate, hyperventilation, trembling and sweating)
  • have false perceptions that others dislike them, are plotting against them or mean them harm
  • see minor set-backs as major disasters (this is a cognitive distortion sometimes referred to as CATASTROPHIZING.
  • frequently experience fear and panic when, objectively speaking, it is not justified
  • experience obsessive worry and rumination that is intrusive and hard to control
  • suffer from sleep problems (including very frequent waking and nightmares)
  • feel constantly exhausted (due to both sleep problems and the sheer debilitating effects of being in a constant state of anxiety)
  • social anxiety / impaired relationships / social isolation

Therapies For The Treatment Of Hypervigilance :

Therapies that may ameliorate symptoms of hypervigilance include :

Some medications, such as beta blockers, may sometimes also be appropriate, but, it is, of course, always necessary to consult a suitably qualified professional before embarking upon such treatment.

 

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Characteristics Of Narcissistic Parents

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Typically, the narcissistic parent views his/her child as a kind of possession whose sole purpose is to continuously fulfill his/her (i.e. the narcissistic parent’s) emotional needs.

In order to keep the child in this role (i.e. the role of existing solely to meet the parent’s emotional needs), the narcissistic parent may exert power over the child in highly manipulative and controlling ways.

Because such parents are so possessive of the child, as the child grows older and starts to become more independent (especially during early adolescence), the narcissistic parent may feel threatened that his/her hitherto exclusive relationship with the child is becoming increasingly precarious. Indeed, if the child begins to show signs of no longer fulfilling the role that the narcissistic parent has assigned to him/her, such parents may become deeply resentful of the child and start to punish him/her through emotional abuse (including directing intense rage toward the child).

The narcissistic parent essentially EXPLOITS their child, capitalizing on the fact that the child is biologically programmed to be dependent upon him/her (but especially the mother); as already alluded to, this enables such parents to exert enormous power and control over the child, a power which they ruthlessly abuse. Such parents feel little or no empathy for their child and are have scant regard for the child’s personal boundaries.

narcissistic mother - Characteristics Of Narcissistic Parents

Narcissistic abuse tends to be covert in the sense that it takes place in the privacy of the family home ; in public, the narcissistic parent tends to be extremely careful to present as good an image as possible (in an attempt to maintain the illusion of being superior to others), perhaps trying to act ‘the perfect parent’ to keep up appearances (as already implied, narcissists are exceptionally concerned about how others perceive them)’

The child of the narcissistic parent is doomed to failure in as far that whatever s/he does in order attempt to meet the parent’s emotional needs, it will never be enough as, in this regard, the narcissist is impossible to satisfy.

Unfortunately, when growing up with a narcissistic parent, the child is highly unlikely to realize that the parent is suffering from a serious disorder that results in highly dysfunctional parenting. This is because most children just accept their family circumstances as ‘normal’ given that they have no point of comparison (in most cases).

Even more sadly, if and when they do realize how dysfunctional their family environment was whilst they were growing up, perhaps in early to mid-adulthood, they may have already suffered a great deal of psychological damage which may well require extensive therapy to alleviate.

in order to minimize the psychological harm caused to children by narcissistic parents, EARLY, EFFECTIVE, THERAPEUTIC INTERVENTION IS OF FUNDAMENTAL IMPORTANCE.

 

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Types Of Dissociative Amnesia In Complex PTSD

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We have seen how the cumulative effect of repetitive and chronic, traumatic stress during childhood is associated with the later development of complex posttraumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD) and that many of those afflicted by complex PTSD experience symptoms of dissociation (e,g. Freyd, 1996 ; Peclovitz et al., 1997). [Click here to read my previously published post : SYMPTOMS OF DISSOCIATION : MILD AND SEVERE.]

We have also seen how dissociative symptoms may manifest themselves in different ways and that one such way is DISSOCIATIVE AMNESIA.

In this article, I intend to briefly recap on what is meant by the term DISSOCIATIVE AMNESIA, including a short outline of the DIFFERENT TYPES OF DISSOCIATIVE AMNESIA.

WHAT IS DISSOCIATIVE AMNESIA? :

If an individual is suffering from dissociative amnesia, it means that they are unable, for a period of time (usually relatively short periods of time such as minutes, hours or days, but, in mush less frequent cases, months or even years), to remember information about themselves / events in their past (sometimes referred to as autobiographical memory). And, perhaps more surprisingly, they may have periods of time during which they fail to remember a skill or talent that they have learnt (sometimes referred to as semantic memory).

For such memory loss to be diagnosed as dissociative amnesia the memory loss must be far more severe than in ‘normal forgetting’ and not accounted for by another medical condition.

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THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF DISSOCIATIVE AMNESIA :

According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), dissociative amnesia can be subdivided into the following types :

  • localized
  • selective 
  • generalized
  • systematized

Let’s look at each of these in turn :

1. LOCALIZED :

This involves not being able to remember a specific period of time. Often, this period of time will be the first few hours after the traumatic event has occurred (including the traumatic event itself) and can occur as the result of an isolated traumatic episode.

2. SELECTIVE :

This involves not being able to remember some (but NOT all) of the events that occurred during a specific (traumatizing) period of time (often, this may be the most traumatic aspects of the events which occurred during this time period),

3. GENERALIZED :

This particularly alarming and devastating form of dissociative amnesia occurs when the individual afflicted by it is unable to remember their ENTIRE LIFE including, remarkably, who they are and where they are from. Fortunately, this extreme form of dissociative amnesia is very rare.

4. SYSTEMATIZED :

This type of dissociative amnesia involves being unable to recall information associated with a particular category such as being unable to recall any memories associated with one’s abusive parent or associated with a particular location where one was traumatized. For example, I have virtually no memory of living in my first or second house which incorporated the years between my birth and my being about eight years old when my parents divorced.

 

To learn more about DISSOCIATION, you may wish to read one or more of my other posts on the topic (shown below):

 

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Yoga For Complex PTSD

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Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Bodyir?t=childhoodtrau 21&l=am2&o=2&a=1556439695 - Yoga For Complex PTSD

 

Studies into the effectiveness of yoga already suggest that it can help to ameliorate both physical and psychological problems including diabetes, arthritis, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety.

There also now exists evidence (e.g. van der Kolk, 2014, see below)) that it can help to reduce symptoms of Complex posttraumatic stress disorder (Complex PTSD).

Complex PTSD Gives Rise To Both Psychological And Physical Symptoms :

We have already seen how the cumulative effects of exposure to ongoing and repetitive trauma can result in the development of Complex PTSD and that the condition adversely affects the body’s physiology leading to impaired functioning of the autonomic nervous system and associated physical problems that can manifest in various ways including :

Furthermore, such symptoms are, in individuals with Complex PTSD, if not ongoing (though they can be : my own hyperventilation and physical agitation went on for years and the former continues to be set off by what most others would consider to be trivial anxieties, whilst my resting heart rate is still, worryingly, running at over one hundred beats per minute), very easily triggered by even relatively minor stressors ; this is because the individual’s capacity to tolerate stress is dramatically compromised, especially in relation to stressors that are linked (on either a conscious or unconscious level) to memories of the original traumatic experiences.

yoga - Yoga For Complex PTSD

Severe Physical Symptoms Of Complex PTSD May Prevent Or Impair Talk-Based Psychotherapy :

If such physical symptoms of Complex PTSD are severe and remain unaddressed there is potential for them to prevent or impair talk-based psychotherapy. For example, in my own case my physical symptoms were so bad that I frequently either could not attend therapy sessions (as I was unable to leave my flat), or, if I did manage to attend, was unable to focus or concentrate properly.

How Can Yoga Help Those Suffering From Complex PTSD?

Yoga that incorporates physical exercises, breathing exercises and mindfulness can be a more effective treatment of the physiological symptoms of Complex PTSD that talk-based psychotherapy because of the fact that it DIRECTLY ADDRESSES SUCH SYMPTOMS THROUGH BREATHING TECHNIQUES AND BODY WORK. Indeed, recent research supports the effectiveness of yoga in this regard – for example, van der Kolk’s study (2014), which I briefly outline below :

The Study :

  • The participants in the study were adult females with Complex PTSD who had not responded to the intervention of traditional psychotherapy
  • These same females were then randomly allocated to one of two groups as shown below :

GROUP ONE : The females who were randomly allocated to GROUP ONE underwent a TEN WEEK COURSE IN TRAUMA SENSITIVE YOGA (a special form of yoga that was developed at the Boston Trauma Center in the U.S.)

GROUP TWO : The females who were randomly allocated to GROUP TWO did NOT undergo this course.

The Results Of The Study :

The main findings of the study were as follows :

At the end of the ten week period :

  • Those in the treatment group (GROUP ONE) were significantly less likely still to meet the diagnostic criteria for Complex PTSD than those in the non-treatment group (GROUP TWO).
  • Furthermore, those in the treatment group (GROUP ONE) showed a significant reduction in depression and self-harm

Longer term studies have found similar results (e.g. Rhodes, 2014).

CONCLUSION :

Yoga may be an effective complementary treatment option to be used in conjunction with talk-based psychotherapies particularly when physical symptoms of Complex PTSD are so severe that they interfere with talk-based psychotherapies, as in my own case (see above).

A major benefit of yoga for the treatment of the physical symptoms of Complex PTSD is that it addresses such problems directly.

 

If you would like to read my related article : ‘TRAUMA RELEASE EXERCISES’, please click here.

 

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Mothers More Likely To Be Abusive Than Fathers, Study Suggests

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Abusive Parents

We have already seen, from numerous other articles that I have published on this site, when a parent is abusive towards their child, the adverse psychological effects upon that child can be most profound, not least because such a child is being harmed by the very person who is supposed to care for, protect and nurture him/her; this constitutes a devastating betrayal, the psychological reverberations of which may, without effective therapy, endure for a lifetime and, even, considerably shorten the abused individual’s life expectancy.

Abusive Mothers

If questioned on the matter, most people would probably guess that fathers are more likely to act abusively towards their children than are mothers (in part because males are more likely, in general, to commit crime and are more likely to be violent). However, when maltreatment of children is being considered as a whole (taking into account mental/psychological/emotional abuse and neglect) the study outlined below suggests that, contrary, perhaps, to popular belief, mothers are more likely to abuse their children than are fathers.

images66 - Mothers More Likely To Be Abusive Than Fathers, Study Suggests

The Study

The study (conducted by the DHSS – the Department of Health and Human Services) showed that, in the cases of children who had been abused by one (as opposed to both) parents, 70.6 per cent reported having been abused by their mother and the remaining 29.4 per cent reported having been abused by their father. However, it should be pointed out that a caveat of the study concerns the fact that it is unclear from the data / statistics included whether or not the researchers controlled an important extraneous variable, namely that, in the case of single-parent families, the child or children are more likely to be in the custody of the mother rather than in the custody of the father. Clearly, if this factor was not taken account of by the statistical analysis of the data, it is likely that approximate 7:3 ratio derived from it (i.e. the ratio of abusive mothers : abusive fathers) is too heavily biased against mothers.

Nevertheless, it can at least be inferred that mothers make up a very significant proportion of parents who abuse their children – a fact that society, at the present time, is perhaps not ready to properly acknowledge.

Not all mothers are natural, instinctive care-givers to their children.

 

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Self-Acceptance More Helpful To Mental Health Than Self-Esteem.

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We have already seen that, most frequently because how they were made to feel about themselves by parents / primary care-givers whilst growing up, one of the most painful, demoralizing and soul-destroying symptoms those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) must strive to endure is irrational feelings of self-hatred, self-loathing and self-disgust. (If you would like to read my article entitled : ‘ Childhood Trauma: How The Child’s View Of Their Own ‘Badness’ Is Perpetuated’ , please click here.)

Indeed, many individuals with BPD suffer from frequent, intrusive thoughts such as : ‘I am a terrible person’ ; ‘I am of absolutely no value to anybody whatsoever’ and so on…

In other words, their self-esteem is extremely low and sometimes it is hard to change such deeply entrenched, negative self-views through therapy, at least at the beginning of any such therapy. (If you would like to read my article entitled : ‘Childhood Trauma : A Destroyer of Self-Esteem’ , please click here.)

self acceptance 200x150 - Self-Acceptance More Helpful To Mental Health Than Self-Esteem.

However, one effective way of breaking into, and disrupting, this profoundly ingrained and seemingly perpetual cycle of self-derogatory thinking may be to develop first an attitude of SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

In relation to this possibility, Huber (2001) suggests that, in order to develop an attitude of self-acceptance, we can start off simply by trying to attain ‘a single moment of self-acceptance.’ For example, instead of thinking a thought such as :

I am a terrible person‘, we can try to replace it with the self-accepting thought :

‘Given how I was made to feel about myself as a child, it is completely understandable why I view myself as a terrible person.

Gradually, we can try to increase the frequency with which we modify our self-lacerating thinking style so that, when negative thoughts arise, we compassionately accept why we are having them as a matter of newly acquired habit.

The advantages of developing a self-accepting style of thinking, as outlined above, has been backed up by research. For example, Neff (2009) found that self-compassion is more positively correlated with psychological health than self-esteem is.

Neff also points out that, whilst self-esteem, at least in part, depends upon how we perceive others’ evaluation of us and how well we perceive ourselves to be succeeding in life’s myriad aspects at any given time, self-compassion (by definition) is self-generated and comes entirely from within ; it is always available to us no matter what the external circumstances. Because of this, it is more reliable and dependable than self-esteem and can comfortably co-exist along with feelings of inadequacy or, even, gross inadequacy.

However, we need not equate self-acceptance with ‘standing still in life’ and with not trying to improve ourselves – indeed, self-acceptance can be a great aid to self-improvement as it allows us to take a compassionate attitude towards ourselves when we face inevitable set-backs on our journey of personal development (as opposed to despising ourselves and giving up).

 

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What Are ‘Adverse Childhood Experiences’ (Aces)?

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Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) is a term most commonly associated with the ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES STUDY.

These adverse childhood experiences have been split into three categories :

  • ABUSE
  • NEGLECT
  • FAMILY DYSFUNCTION

In the original ACE study, these three categories were further broken down into :

ABUSE : Emotional; physical and sexual

NEGLECT : Physical; emotional

FAMILY DYSFUNCTION : Witnessing domestic violence; person/s with depression / mental illness in the home; substance abuse in home ; loss of a parent (divorce / separation / death).

NB : Of course, the child may suffer trauma in many other ways, but the above categories were focused upon in the original ACE study.

THE EFFECTS OF ACEs ON THE BRAIN :

ACEs that take place during the critical and sensitive developmental period of the person’s childhood (especially during the first three years of life and during puberty and early adolescence), coupled with their effects upon the person’s genetic expression (how our genes express themselves depends upon how they interact with our experiences / environment – this is known as epigenetics) can adversely affect brain development on a number of levels (see below):

ACEs Can Adversely Affect Brain Development On A Number Of Levels :

  • ELECTRICAL
  • CHEMICAL
  • CELLULAR MASS

In turn, these adverse effects, taken together, can damage the brain upon both a STRUCTURAL and FUNCTIONAL level.

BRAIN CHANGES BECOME ‘HARDWIRED’ FOR SURVIVAL :

These brain changes then become hardwired in the brain’s biology as the behaviors that these brain changes are associated with are, on a fundamental level, ADAPTIVE AND ‘INTENDED’ TO HELP THE CHILD SURVIVE HIS/HER TRAUMATIC ENVIRONMENT. 

For example, certain brain changes caused by the child’s traumatic experiences may predispose the child to hypervigilance and explosive outbursts of rage and anger, both of which are adaptations which enhance survival chances in a dangerous, threatening and hostile environment. Indeed, children who grow up in traumatically threatening environments are at significantly increased risk of developing OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER (ODD).

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES (ACEs) AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF PSYCHIATRIC, PHYSICAL AND ‘LIFE’ PROBLEMS :

The original ACE study found that, overall and on average, the greater the number of ACEs an individual had experienced during childhood, the more likely s/he was to suffer from the following problems later in life :

PSYCHIATRIC PROBLEMS :

PHYSICAL PROBLEMS :

‘LIFE’ PROBLEMS :

NB : The above list is NOT exhaustive.

RESOURCES :

Link :

To read more about the original ACE study, you may wish to visit this site

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What Are The Differences Between BPD And Complex PTSD? : A Study

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Because there is a considerable overlap in symptoms between those suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) and those suffering from complex posttraumatic disorder (complex PTSD) , those with the latter condition can be misdiagnosed as suffering from the former condition (you can read my article about this by clicking here).

In order to help clarify the differences between the two conditions and help show how they are distinct from one another, this article is about a research study which sought to delineate these two very serious psychiatric conditions.

What Are The Differences In Symptoms Between Those Suffering From Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) And Those Suffering From Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (Complex PTSD)?

A study into the different symptoms displayed by sufferers of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex posttraumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD) involving the study of two hundred at eighty adult women who had experienced abuse during their childhoods and published in the European Journal of Psychotraumatology in 2014 compared the symptoms of those suffering from BPD with those suffering from complex PTSD.

The following results from the study were obtained :

SYMPTOMS SHARED APPROXIMATELY EQUALLY BETWEEN THOSE SUFFERING FROM BPD AND THOSE SUFFERING FROM COMPLEX PTSD :

Some symptoms were found to be shared approximately equally between those suffering from  borderline personality disorder (BPD) and those suffering from complex posttraumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD). The symptoms that fell into this category were as follows :

  • AFFECTIVE DYSREGULATION (ANGER) i.e. frequent feelings of intense rage that the individual cannot control (regulate)
  • VERY LOW FEELINGS OF SELF-WORTH
  • AFFECTIVE DYSREGULATION (SENSITIVE) i.e. feelings of hypersensitivity that cannot be controlled (regulated)
  • INTENSE FEELINGS OF GUILT
  • INTERPERSONAL DETACHMENT / ALONENESS i.e. feeling cut-off and alienated from others, isolated and apart
  • FEELINGS OF EMPTINESS

However, some symptoms were found to be significantly more prevalent amongst those suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) than amongst those suffering from complex posttraumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD) as shown below :

SYMPTOMS THAT WERE FOUND TO BE SIGNIFICANTLY MORE PREVALENT AMONGST THOSE SUFFERING FROM BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD) THAN AMONGST THOSE SUFFERING FROM COMPLEX POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (COMPLEX PTSD) :

 

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Techniques (Evidence-Based) For Reducing Negative Thoughts.

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We have seen that if we suffered significant, recurring trauma as children, we are put at increased risk of developing depression as adults (see the DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY section of this site which contains many articles about the link between childhood trauma and depression). One of the hallmarks of depression is, of course, NEGATIVE THINKING.

Fortunately, however, much scientific research has been conducted into techniques those suffering from depression can employ in order to reduce their tendency constantly to think in negative ways ; I briefly describe several of the most effective of these techniques below :

1) LEARNED OPTIMISM :

The psychologist, Seligman, has developed a method by which people who are pessimistic and prone to negative thinking can train themselves mentally to respond to adverse events in ways that are less negative and more optimistic by challenging their initial pessimistic responses.

Seligman developed his idea of how optimism may be learned whilst he was studying a phenomenon known as LEARNED HELPLESSNESS (you can read my article Trauma, Depression And Learned Helplessness’  by clicking here); he reasoned that if people, through conditioning, can ‘learn’ to be helpless they may, too, be able to learn a more positive attitude to life and its vicissitudes.

There exists research to support Seligman’s theory. For example, the findings of a scientific study (Buchanan) conducted at the University of Pennsylvania strongly suggested that individuals with a tendency towards pessimism can be made significantly less vulnerable to depression and anxiety by being taught Seligman’s learned optimism techniques.

HOWEVER, there is a balance to be struck here as constantly striving to be positive and ‘upbeat’ at all times is likely to backfire – it is, I think we can all safely agree, axiomatic that one cannot go through life without encountering distress (some of us more than others, of course). Even so, we can make distress less painful to endure by learning techniques in DISTRESS TOLERANCE you can read my article about this by clicking here.

(Interestingly, trying to relax can backfire, too – you can read about why this is in my article : Does Trying To Relax  Paradoxically Increase Your Anxiety?  by clicking here).

 

2) COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT) :

This can help us challenge our negative thoughts and correct irrational, faulty thinking styles associated with negative thinking (you can read two my articles relevant to this by clicking below):

 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy : Challenging Negative Thoughts

or

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy For Childhood Trauma

 

3) DEFENSIVE PESSIMISM : 

Despite the finding that learned optimism can be helpful in reducing depression it may, too, be paradoxically the case that a tendency towards pessimism, in certain situations, can sometimes be, as it were, strategically exploited.

This can be achieved by considering the worst possible outcome of an event in order to put things in perspective (the caveat being that it is necessary to put an action plan into operation to ensure the worst possible outcome does not come to fruition!).

 

MINDFULNESS :

This involves allowing negative thoughts to pass through the mind whilst NOT emotionally engaging with these thoughts or judging them – a simile that is sometimes used is that one should just observe, in a detached manner, these thoughts running through our heads with the same tranquility we would feel were we to be watching leaves on the surface of a river gently flow past us. You can read more about mindfulness in the HYPNOSIS AND MINDFULNESS section of this site.

 

THE ADVERSITY HYPOTHESIS :

It is important to remember that even very distressing experiences can improve us as a person (e.g. by providing us with a better perspective on life, making us realize what’s important in life, helping us to get our priorities straight, increasing the empathy we feel with others who have suffered in a similar way to ourselves, and toughening us up mentally.

An article of mine you may wish to read relating to this is :

 

RESOURCE :

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Dysfunctional Ways Parents May Seek To Over-Control Children

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I outline some of the most common ways in which parents may attempt to exert excessive control over their children below :

Emotional Enmeshment :

This occurs when a parent is intensely and overwhelmingly emotionally involved with his/her child so that, rather than seeing the child as an individual with his/her own thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes, views him/her as an extension of him/herself.

The parent who emotionally enmeshes the child may be over-dependent on him/her :

  • in relation to seeking advice that the child is not mature enough to give (e.g. a parent asking a ten year old for advice on romantic relationships),
  • for companionship,
  • for psychological counselling.

Such parents may also interfere inappropriately in the child’s life and fail to respect his/her boundaries.

Divorced / single parents may even expect their child to serve as a kind of ‘spouse substitute’ (most frequently in emotional terms).

You can read mt article on EMOTIONAL INCEST, which is closely related to the above, by clicking here.

Parentification :

Emotionally immature parents may expect their child to act as a kind of substitute parent – you can read my article about how parents may ‘parentify’ their child by clicking here.

 

Perfectionism :

Perfectionist parents may constantly insist upon laying down myriad petty, unnecessary and, perhaps, seemingly arbitrary rules and regulations (for example, my father used to be obsessed with making sure I held my cutlery in precisely the right way – apparently I would ‘mistakenly’ hold my knife ‘like a pen’ which would cause my father an absurdly disproportionate level of unnecessary angst more appropriate to me holding a live grenade in a way that would allow it imminently to detonate.

Living in such a household can put the child into a constant state of tension, or, even, hypervigilence, leading him/her constantly to anticipate the next shaming and disheartening criticism.

Perfectionist parents may also psychologically damage their children by expecting them to achieve in sports, academia, music etc in ways that are unreasonable and unrealistic. In relation to this, they may only offer their children love and approval when they excel, withholding such love and approval the rest of the time.

These types of parents may, too, strongly disapprove of their children expressing particular emotions such as anger or sadness, perhaps to the extent that they even ridicule their children for doing so.

Micromanagement :

The parent who micromanages their child may be unnecessarily and inappropriately involved in what a child eats or how a child dresses. Such parents may also interfere in superfluous and counter-productive ways with the child’s school life (e.g. visiting the school to complain to teachers about the child’s grades or about the child not making a particular school sport’s team). Or they may not respect their child’s privacy (e.g. constantly checking their child’s room for no good reason, looking through their diary or unnecessarily texting their child whilst s/he is at school to ‘check up’ on him/her in a way the child finds oppressive).

Such parenting is also sometimes referred to as ‘helicopter parenting’, a term originally coined by Dr. Haim Ginott in the late 1960s.

Coercive Control :

The term ‘coercive control’ was first coined by the Duluth Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP) but the concept can also be applicable to the parent-child relationship. The DAIP propose that coercive control can take many forms which include :

  • intimidation (including threatening body language and facial expressions)
  • humiliation
  • isolation
  • minimizing the level of abuse
  • denying any abuse has taken place
  • blaming the victim for the perpetrator’s abuse
  • homophobia
  • coercion and threats

Parents Who Use Their Child For ‘Narcissistic Supply’ :

The concept of narcissistic supply stems from psychoanalytic theory. A parent in need of narcissistic supply may emotionally exploit his/her children by overly depending upon them to express their admiration of the him/her (the parent), to emotionally support him/her and to bolster his/her self-esteem. To read my article about narcissistic parents, click here.

 

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51WUsNp6LuL. UY250  5 - Dysfunctional Ways Parents May Seek To Over-Control Children

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David Hosier BSc Hons; MSc; PGDE(FAHE).

 

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